When You Don’t Know Who You Really Are

More than once, we’ve been told to be ourselves. More than once, we couldn’t figure out who ourselves were. More than once have we been lost and confused, grasping at the scattered pieces that defined who we were. And in moments like this, I doubt the very nature of my human existence, that I have not fully comprehend my own identity and that scares me. For the longest of time, I have changed and adapted myself in terms of my environment, the people around me. Today, I sat myself down and started to think, and think, and think. How am I supposed to know how to live when I don’t know who I am? Everything about me depended on the sole purpose of my own idea of my identity, my actions and words all based on how I thought of myself. So what happens when you start to lose yourself? What then?

That feeling of doubt, it’s terrifying. Everything around me, it hasn’t changed but at the same time, it has changed immensely and the changes are drastic. For example, when a person gets so caught up in life, it takes a while for the changes to dawn upon them. Yes they do notice the physical differences, how they dress differently. how they speak differently, how they act isn’t the same as before. But then they start to question themselves, when did I become so negative? Why don’t I see the world the same way as I’ve seen it my entire life. Everything in a way is still the same. What’s changed?

And in moments like this, they think, they doubt, they question. And that’s how our perspectives change. Those thoughts are the ones that define who we are, our outlook and perspective on the world is what makes up our identity. Our exterior appearance is just a facade that we put on to please ourselves or the people around us. It’s deep down inside, what we feel as our emotions intensify, how we cope and how we see things, that is us. That is our identity. You may get confused between your exterior and interior self, but it’s okay. Everything has changed, you have changed, both inside and out. But to find yourself when all seems lost is the greatest identifier of who you really are. To see the light, we have to experience the dark. To find ourselves, we have to first lose our way.