Thought Catalog
April 14, 2017

To The Girl Who Feels Left Out Because She Is Holding Out

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What is the issue?
Flash Bros

Feeling left out in love? Waiting it out for the right one to come along?  It’s not the greatest thing to endure. In fact, it’s super painful, awkward and downright lonely at times. I am no stranger to feeling left out, and I want to assure you that you’re on the right path. There is nobility and honor in what you are attempting to do, and I applaud you for even considering it as a different way to approach dating, instead of what society whispers to you all day long.

I’m trying to be on the same path as you, fighting the good fight, holding out for the right man. We both know it’s not easy, and the more you try, sometimes the harder it all comes crashing down on you. You give in, then start again at square one.

I’ll tell you now that I have not succeeded in “waiting for the one,” in fact, I’ve failed miserably. But, I have a God who forgives and who is quick to come to the rescue. And that’s what He is doing for me. Showing me there is another way, and perhaps he is working in your life to show you the same truth.

You have to want to save yourself for your future husband because YOU want that. Anyone can give you a rule and command you to follow it. That won’t ever stop you from wanting to break it, and might only encourage your desire to do so.

If you are saving yourself for marriage, ask yourself why you are doing it? Is it because your mom told you to, your teachers or your pastor?

If so, they are definitely right in leading you toward that path, but I want you to know that it has to be your choice, your journey and your understanding of the “why” in the equation, if you are to truly “wait for the one.” You should be doing this with purpose and clarity, intentionally because you believe in your heart it is the best way, not because you were told to do so.

I want you to reconsider your reasons for your decision, especially if they are anything other than your own personal choice. The choice has to be yours first and foremost, and should be done because you desire what is good and pure and right. If that is your motivation, to save yourself fully in order to be able to fully give yourself to the right one, I think you are on an amazing path.

Now, if you have chosen this route, I have to warn you…. hardly anyone you meet will understand this. If anything, you are going to feel left out. You are going to consider the easy route, the route that tells you to just date away and experiment and explore your options in order to find someone, anyone who is willing to be with you. But, I encourage you not to. Stay strong, stay focused on why you want what it is you are waiting for.

Intimacy was created by God for marriage and I know it is a beautiful thing, because I have experienced it before. But you must understand that I wasn’t fully experiencing how great it can be, because anything outside of a covenant with God is selling ourselves short of what could have been.

And that’s what i’ve done and maybe what you have done as well.

That’s not something I want you to dwell on or get down about. Maybe the moment of clarity you needed was a result of all those times you crossed the line or gave in to the lie that the world has told you about what it means to love another or how you should be dating according to the worlds standards.

If you are willing to wait, willing to raise your standards of both who you need to be and what you are looking for in a partner, I guarantee you it will be worth it. That’s not to say you won’t slip and mess up, because chances are you will. I just want you to understand that you don’t have to believe in the lie, you don’t have to be with someone to be considered worthy and you don’t have to be actively dating and giving yourself to men you won’t marry.

There is something better for you out there, and you deserve to have it. So make sure you are preparing yourself for it in the meantime. Do so by getting close to God, ask him what His purpose is for you. Seek to fulfill that before anything else, and remember you are worthy no matter if you are single, dating, married or widowed. You are worth everything in God’s eyes, so make sure you live as if you believe that. TC mark