Words I Made Up To Use This Autumn
Bicaffeinate (v): To order a coffee drink such as a Pumpkin Latte and forget there is actual caffeine in it so you follow it with plain coffee or extra shots resulting in an unexpected caffeine high. Bicaffeinated (adj): unable to relate to non-caffeinated humans in conversation or interaction
Ex: I accidentally bicaffeinated before my philosophy class and ended up choking the girl next to me because she said YOLO in our discussion about Horace.
Flannelsham (n): Seeing a male in the distance wearing a flannel button-up and believing he is handsome/cute/bang-able and then realizing when he gets closer that he is old/homeless/a lumberjack. Flannelshammed (adj): Having been the victim of such a ruse
Ex: I was totally flannelshammed last night at the bar when I was giving the sexy eye to that Joseph Gordon-Leavitt-looking dude who turned out to be the tamale-cart guy from the corner.
Drunkle (v): Drinking in excess in a chilly setting followed by the uncontrollable urge to cuddle with someone under a blanket or near a fire.
Ex: After three Caramel Appletinis all I wanted to do was drunkle with the next person I saw.
Related form: Friendrunkle (v): drinking in excess with your best friends until you find yourselves involved in a group cuddle
Harvestite (n): A sudden appetite for all foods you believe are currently being harvested, even if you don’t know how to make them edible. Common examples are beets, Belgian endive, chicories, squash (all types), and kohlrabi.
Ex: Looking at this recipe for Roasted Acorns on a bed of Garlic Kale is giving me such a harvestite!
Farmtasy (n): The somewhat irrational obsession with meeting the love of your life between the months of September and November at a farmer’s market, orchard, or community vegetable garden. Often prompts clothing decisions like sweaters with moose graphics, knit caps, feathers, straw hats, and ironic overalls.
Ex: If he had a little more facial hair and different glasses he would look just like the boy in my farmtasy.
Hyperaudiation (n): The extreme pressure felt by some to create the perfect playlist on Spotify/iTunes/Pandora to listen to while reading in a cozy chair at the library or walking down leaf-covered sidewalks. Note: these playlists will all contain at least one Sufjan Stevens track. There are no exceptions.
Ex: I can’t talk/text/respond right now because I’ve got some serious hyperaudiation going on here.
Bootsomnia (n): The inability to sleep do to a fixation with a pair of boots (riding, winter, or otherwise) that you are convinced you must own. This is sometimes accompanied by the acute panic that someone has just bought the last pair in your size and can only be alleviated by the actual purchase of desired item.
Ex: My work performance has suffered because ever since I saw those knee-high Derek Lams in the window I have had the worst case of bootsomnia.
Shrizzle (n): a substance coming from the sky that is somewhere between a light rain and a faint snow. Not to be confused with “shizzle,” an utterance commonly used by the hip-hop artist Snoop Lion, formerly known as Snoop Dogg.
Ex: If I look out the window tomorrow and see shrizzle I am just not leaving my apartment at all.
Bonsire (n): an intense desire to sit around a bonfire while drinking brandy cider or pumpkin ale, often accompanied by a craving to smell burning leaves. While experiencing bonsire it is common for urban-dwelling individuals to mistake cigarette smoke or bus exhaust for an actual bonfire. Bonsirous (adj): the quality of having bonsire
Ex: Last week I had such a bonsire that I hung out in that weird guy’s apartment all night just because he had a fake fireplace.
Fashurious (adj): anger caused by the fashion world’s insistence on putting pictures of spring clothes in magazines when all you want to look at are chunky knit sweaters and layers upon layers of scarves.
Ex: If I pick up the November Vogue and see even one model in a swimsuit (you know who you are, Raquel Zimmerman) then I will personally march up to Anna Wintour’s desk and slap the sunglasses right off her face.
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Until this year, I’d always though that my depression wasn’t really “depression,” but more a product of me being anxious and unhappy in my (static) environment.
I never told you that taking four hours to reply to a text message is inconsiderate. I never told you that your best friend said I was too good for you, and that I should find someone else because you’re really not a good person.
You guys might not know this, but I am the host of an amazing podcast series called “My Totally Real Podcast That Is Real.” Every episode features amazing guests, twists, turns, and anything else you would expect from a podcast…
“EPIC FAIL”…that’s what the Facebook message read that I had scattered across my iPhone after revealing my two year crush on this girl that has consumed my mind since the first day we met.