December 8, 2012

What’s With Mommy Bloggers?

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What is the issue?

I’ve had a blog for a little over a year. I use it for creative writing, occasionally throwing in a semi-relevant photo to hold the reader’s attention for about 1.6 milliseconds before they realize that it is actually… all… words.

Upon starting the blog, I discovered that literally half of the cyber universe is dedicated to this line of “work.” There’s your crafty bloggers, cooking bloggers, celebrity bloggers and bloggers who blog in secret as their alter-egos. They’re all great, in their own ways. But there is one genre of blogging that has sufficiently overpowered the rest of the universe: the mom blogs.

The mogosphere (mom-blogosphere) operates like a well-oiled machine. It’s filled with like-minded mothers who may or not be robots, programmed to do exactly the same thing every single day. And let me tell you, people eat this shit up. Even I did for a while. Until I realized that I was eating organic baby food: the most bland, terribly monotonous culinary disaster that I had ever tasted.

Nonetheless, I am still flabbergasted by this super weird cyber-sisterhood so I think you all deserve to meet the gang. I’ll describe them as a whole. If you’d like to meet them individually, go ahead and re-read as many times as you’d like!

WHAT’S A MOGGER (mom-blogger)?

Shutterstock
Shutterstock

1. THEY ARE MOTHERS, but refer to themselves in third person as “mama”

The latest trend in the blogging world is reproduction. Who cares if you’re intellectual, witty, or creative when you have a super cute baby? Hell, who cares if you even have a personality?! Blogging is awesome because it gives moms a place to express how much they love their babies without having to tell them all the time! It’s perfect for sharing tips, tricks and HD pictures of themselves. But all cyber perks aside, being a mom is the most important (only) job they’ll ever have in their entire lives!

Jan. 1, 3:13 p.m. The silver lining to a tough mama day!

I was just about to run out the door but I HAVE to tell you all what tiny baby B said today: “When I grow up I want to save the world Mama. And you are my hero. You are so gorgeous/skinny/toned Mama.” Doesn’t that just melt your heart?! Love my littles! They are seriously the light of my life. They saved my life. I am complete now that they are in my life. I actually don’t really remember who I am, or anything about my life before becoming a mom but I LOVE IT!! So blessed.

Wait, what? Your infant said that? No shit. I should really start thinking about having kids. However, let’s all keep in mind that….

2. THEY ARE MORE THAN JUST MOTHERS

There’s way more to moggers than motherhood, duh. As much as they’d like to spend ALL day, every day with their unusually happy bundles of joy, they have commitments. Ugh, reality. First and foremost, bloggers have a busy fitness schedule. From yoga to running to yoga to pilates to yoga to hot yoga, the week is always filled with lots and lots of healthy shit. Within the community of bloggers, there’s a subdivision of body-conscious MILFS who eat organic things, like leaves and juice and adderall. Bloggers also HAVE to travel. Girls weekends are so hard to squeeze in, but after a long week of feeding your baby and uploading the evidence to Instagram… time for a getaway. Which seconds as the perfect blog entry to mix things up.

Jan. 10, 7 p.m. Mama needs some fun!

Finally, some R & R! Papa watched the little one this weekend so I could finally take a break! Love you Daddy S! The weekend was so perfect. We took pictures of ourselves drinking wine, laying on the beach, walking on the sidewalk, going through security at the airport, Skyping with our babies and of course, shopping!! It’s been so long since I’ve shopped without my littles! (You can check out my Instagram @bloggingmama for more on our crazy weekend!)

I can only imagine the wild, outrageous shit that’s gonna go down next weekend. Except that I can, because if they’re a true mogger…

3. THEY LOVE FASHION

Bloggers may be mamas — super-unbelievably busy mamas — but they never sacrifice a day of style for a day of productivity! EVERY day is the perfect day to head over to J. Crew where a new line of oxfords, skinnys and “the perfect fall sweater” await them. Dressing rooms were literally made to store strollers and babies, while mama color coordinates chunky bauble necklaces with the world’s perfect flat. And the fun doesn’t stop there! Head over to Nordstrom aka “Nordy’s” for their half-annual sale, even if it isn’t their half-annual sale that day! They have great deals on mom-friendly coats like this one (here) and this budget-friendly one (here). Don’t have your size? Currently craving this one (here). At the end of an exhausting day, swing back over to J. Crew to pick up one last truckload and the baby!

Jan. 11, 6 p.m. The perfect fall wear for Mamas!

It’s that time of year again… FALL! I love bundling up in all of my coziest winter wear with my littles while my husband takes pictures of me loving it!! Right now I’m really into fur, fur boots and leather. Mostly because they look so, so good on me but also because they’re warm! How perfect for a chilly day, right?! I’m not super into snow, but here’s a picture of my baby laying in it for the first time! She hated it soooo much, so I decided to put a jacket on her!! Happy Winter everyone! xoxo, hugs & kisses. (Instagram @bloggingmama)

Sometimes it’s hard to believe the life of Moggers. The idea of typing a paragraph each day, while still managing to check the web for promotional deals, Instagram, practice yoga, take pictures, pin your own pictures on Pinterest, tweet your own pictures on Twitter, upload your own pictures on Facebook, drink juice, Instagram again, run, pray for free shit to arrive in the mail… AND be a mom?! Hats off to you, superwoman. Mog on. TC mark

Carly Samuelson

Documentary addict, torn between Biggie & Tupac. Mad love for words but I’ve never, in my whole life, won a game of …

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