What It Means To Date A Girl Who Needs To Tell Her Own Story

To the boys I’ve dated who talk too much,

Thanks for opening up to me, and sharing your stories to help me get to know you. Thanks for coming to dinner, or drinks, or coffee with an open heart, ready to test out a new person and see if they fit. It takes bravery and it takes confidence to walk into dates feeling vulnerable. I love that you are so willing to share with me the things that make you yourself.

I mean, you certainly do talk a lot. I learn about your relationship with your parents, your therapist, your hopes, and dreams and quirks, sometimes even before we order. I nod, and smile, and ask questions about the things you have brought up. How did you decide on your major? Do your parents live in the city, too? Wine or beer? Is that your favourite band? I let you fill the little silences with stories about the parties you’ve gone to lately, and the movies you’ve seen, and your opinion on pop culture.

I’m sorry if you left feeling like you aren’t sure who you just had dinner with. It’s harder for me to open up than it is for you, I guess. Later you might realize I deflected your questions with jokes, or answered them quickly before turning the question back to you. I love going on dates with boys who talk too much because it is an excuse for me to avoid talking about myself.

You’re really cute, boys who talk too much, but I probably date you as a cop-out. I’ll get to tell myself and others that I’m “putting myself out there”. I can say there just “wasn’t a connection” when I slowly stop responding to your texts. But the truth is, I know that dating boys who talk too much allows me to avoid the arduous process of letting my walls down. It’s too easy for me to keep letting you fill the silences with anecdotes and stories.

We’re too similar to ever work out, probably, boys who talk too much. I actually talk too much, too, but it takes a while for me to warm up. We are both sensitive souls. But you use your sensitivity to seek connection with others, while I let myself close up. Your openness inspires me, but is ultimately never enough for me to feel open in return.

I like you, boys who talk too much, I really do.

But it might be time for me to find boys to date who let the silences hang in the air.

Some who push me to share my stories and anecdotes, who will let me practise opening up too. Maybe we can both talk equally.

Maybe I’ll even be the one who talks too much, next time.