What It Was Really Like Being ‘The Other Woman’

Homewrecker. Whore. Slut. Man Stealer.

These are just some of the phrases you hear when people find out that you are “The Other Woman.” How do I know this? I was the other woman. Now, before you run off to grab your pitchforks and want to burn me at the stake, please continue reading before making judgments about me.

First off, you may be wondering why I am writing this. Why would I ever want to admit to doing something so awful that betrays other women? I never intended to. I never once saw myself as being the other woman ever in my life. But, we will get to that later.

When I met boy* I honestly had no idea he had a girlfriend, let alone a serious one. I just thought he seemed like a charming and fun guy. I can’t explain what drew me to him, but there was an instant chemistry between us. We would talk back and forth and exchanged flirty moments for a few weeks before I found out he had someone. We went for drinks and it was there that he told me of his girlfriend. I had a moment where I was devastated because I had started to like him and I thoroughly enjoyed his company but, I told myself this could be nothing and I would just be his friend instead. That was until he said a few words to me as we were leaving, “I really want to kiss you right now.” I was shocked and I had no idea what to say so, I said OK. And, we kissed. Nothing more.

I’m sure there are several of you reading this wondering why I said OK. Why didn’t I just say no and leave? I again can’t fully explain it. I was pulled into it by our chemistry. It sounds insane but, it’s true. I just couldn’t say no to kissing him.

It was after that, that our “relationship” developed more and more. We would hang out and have dinner and talk for hours and got to know each other on a deeper level with each encounter. I knew it was wrong but, I kept falling farther and farther for boy* despite every effort to walk away. There were several times that we had these blown-up fights about our situation and each time we would say this is done. But, it was never really done. We always found our way back together.

Here I am 2 years later and I can say that I am in love with boy*. Am I with him? No. He chose his girlfriend of course. Isn’t that how these stories always end? That’s not even the worst part. The worst part is that I don’t really regret the last two years. I regret doing something that I think was super immoral and not fair to her. But, meeting him and having him in my life…I don’t regret that part. Sure, I was left heartbroken when it finally really did end but, I think I knew that would end up happening from the beginning.

So why should you still not crucify me for betraying women everywhere?

It was never my intention to ruin a relationship.

It was never my intention to fall for a man with someone already in his life. It was never my intention to be the other woman. I will live with that title for the rest of my life. But, I fell for a guy who I thought loved me back. I fell for a guy who became my best friend and who knew me inside and out. It’s never something I will be proud of, it’s a part of my life now though. Would I ever let myself be in that position again? No. It’s not worth the heartache that I have endured or the guilt you feel while doing it. I let myself fall too far and before I knew it, I couldn’t get myself out of the situation no matter how hard I tried.

I’m not writing this so you feel sorry for my heartbreak, I’m writing this so maybe the next time you hear of someone being the other woman you might think twice before starting the name calling or judgment. We are all human, and we all make mistakes.