Thought Catalog
January 5, 2017

This Girl Asked Her BF For An Essay On Exactly Why She Should Suck His Dick — And He Came Through

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What is the issue?

In a culture where most men ask for sexy with a 2:00am booty call, this story feels oddly empowering?

Hannah was talking with her boyfriend when they got on the topic of sex. Her BF really, really want a BJ that night. Like seriously.

But Hannah wasn’t convinced. She wasn’t saying no, but she needed a little prodding. So she gave her boyfriend a challenge: write a persuasive essay in MLA format on why she should suck his cock.

via Twitter
via Twitter

Maybe she thought he was just joking around — after all, the two had been dating for about a year. But regardless, before midnight, she received this epic:

via Twitter
via Twitter

The essay opens with a question (something my English teachers always told me to be wary about, but I think it works here):

To blow or not to blow? This is a parody of the well-echoed Shakespearean proverb that gauges the pros and cons and consequential successes and failures (the latter of which is indisputably improbable) of giving me a blowjob. […] I will, in strictly heterosexual dialogue, support my argument by addressing the benefits of having my skin flute played orally.

I’m dying.

The guy goes on to list some of the benefits of blowjobs, which I have briefly summarized in bullet points:

  • Increase receptivity of blowing other partner
  • Positive increase on women’s self-esteem
  • Enrichment of intimacy between man and woman

And while, in my experience, these things might not always be true, at least he cites some studies and facts to support his argument. Hell, this essay is better than most cable news these days.

Hannah has since said that she didn’t expect the essay to be written, but did find it hilarious:

FOR THOSE WONDERING: We have been dating for a year. Yes, I do plan on marrying him. No, I didn’t really expect him to write the essay. LOL.

Hopefully this story ends with some mind-blowing oral sex (for both of them!) TC mark