Thinking they can change that person into someone else or in some other significant way.
Listening to your SO when they said “I’m not really like this, I’m just really stressed right now due to grad school, moving, etc.”. Turns out they really were that anxious, neurotic, stressed, depressed, and negative even in the best of circumstances.
Staying with someone they’re not happy with because they’re too afraid to be alone.
I asked this question of my therapist who also does marriage counseling.
She said that the most common pitfall she sees is people falling for “opposites attract.” She said, in the beginning, people marry someone different from them because they see it as a positive. In her experience, those unions will last for a while and then eventually the couple can’t stand each other because of those same differences. So, she told me some variation is obviously good but the most successful marriages she’s seen are the ones where the people were as similar as possible.
Anyway, I’ve never been married, but that was her take on it after 20 years working in the field.
Some people marry the “best” partner they can get – on paper, the best looking, smartest, most talented, etc – rather than the most compatible. Rookie mistake, but a common one.
Marrying a profession: a lawyer, doctor, pilot, Enterpreneur etc instead of the person.
Kids. Agree on the damn kids.
If she wants kids and you don’t (or vice versa), chances are it’s going to come up later and bite you really hard in the ass, possibly even ending the relationship. Get that shit straightened out early on.
Having a single “deal breaker” and assuming anyone who passes that test is good enough. I married a woman solely because she didn’t want kids and I didn’t think I’d find another one. We didn’t even make it 4 years.
Waiting for love and refusing to let love happen
Ill explain, most people i know are waiting to meet someone and be slapped in the face by this feeling of love and walking on clouds
This is a mistake, too often this leads to someone who you realize is awful after the new wears off
That isn’t love, you aren’t thinking with your heart, you are thinking with your hormones
Instead, fond someone you like, who treats you how you would want to be treated, who is worthy of being in a relationship, and work on that friendship to see if love will grow, i’m not saying to date them, bang them and marry them, i’m saying spend time with them, see if you are compatible and go from there
Everyone has this closed mindset of “this is my type and i will only date this type” but if your type is toxic or isn’t working, maybe try dating outside the box
Hiding your true beliefs from them until after the honeymoon phase. Be upfront from the word go, and if they bolt, it just wasn’t meant to be.
Settling for looks at the expense of a great personality, morals, or whatever traits people have.
Looks don’t last forever.
Marrying for love and love alone.
People are always horrified when I say this, but marriage is a business arrangement in a lot of ways. You’re giving someone half your stuff; better make damn sure that you can trust them with it.
Like 90% of life isn’t fun. It’s about coordinating chores, dealing with finances, caring for children and working. Being so in wuvvvv is awesome, but it won’t pay the bills. You’ve got to be able to communicate effectively, to trust each other and to work together towards a common goal. It’s more like the relationship between business partners than the relationship between lovers. I’ve loved people to pieces and ended up breaking things off because the boring stuff wasn’t quite right.
If you can only have fun on dates, don’t get married. If you can have fun going grocery shopping or doing laundry, you’ve got a good shot.
Settling for someone they don’t love completely because they don’t think they’ll be able to find anyone better.
Ignoring possible addiction issues.
I have girlfriends, and honestly myself included, that have been through such god awful relationships that they settle for someone as long as they’re “nice enough”.
My sister is currently the victim of this, she went through a slew of dating asshats and is now with her bf who is nice, but honestly the polar opposite of her in so many ways. I find her compromising a lot of what she previously wanted out of life just because she “knows he’ll never cheat on me and is nice”. WTF. That’s a bare minimum requirement for dating someone, is them not being an asshole, not their selling point. Know your worth ladies and gentleman.
Never choose someone just based on income or looks alone. My mom has been looking for a super handsome rich guy for over 15 years and they are all assholes.
Just pick someone who makes you happy and will be there for you when you need it. Someone you want to spend all your time with. Money doesn’t matter and looks fade. Its the heart that matters.