October 13, 2016

Is It Okay For Your Boyfriend To Rave About Attractive Waitress, Then Add Her On Facebook?

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What is the issue?
Flickr / waferboard
Flickr / waferboard

This is the question being considered by Reddit user Letsrunaway00. She came to R/Relationships to ask for some advice about her boyfriend, who she feels might be acting a little inappropriately.

Basically, Letsrunaway00’s boyfriend and her were at a restaurant dining when he began loudly commenting about how attractive the waitress was. Letsrunaway00 tried to brush it off at first, and then basically asked him to stop.

A few days later, however, when Letsrunaway00 was using their shared laptop, she noticed that her boyfriend had added the waitress on Facebook. Not only that, but he had spent a LOT of time looking for her and it’s making her uncomfortable.

Here’s the whole story:

Alright, so I totally understand still recognizing attractive people even in a relationship. I’m totally okay with it. But I’m not sure if this is a red flag, and he might cheat.. Or maybe I’m over dramatic.

But a week ago we went and ate, and he really liked the waitress. She was extremely pretty so I get it. He seemed kinda flirty and I kept getting frustrated and telling him to stop so he’d apologize.

We’ve been engaged for almost a year now, and we have been together for 6 years.. And he’s not ever once even just obviously checked a girl out. He might make a comment about their hair or shirt, but hasn’t ever expressed openly that he finds someone attractive. So that’s 6 years of that not happening.

I got on our laptop today (we share) and I noticed he still had a browser up, so I opened a new one and was going to look in the history to find a dress I was buying from Walmart, but hadn’t had the money for when I found it.

Everything he had been doing was trying to find that girl. He Googled her first name and the restaurant, and various other ways of googling her. Then did all the different searches on Facebook, and.. Found he. I clicked on it and he was still signed in and it said “Friend request sent”… I felt my heart drop.

I wouldn’t ever think he would cheat or even consider it.. What bothers me is that he really liked her.

I looked at her page a bit and she’s single and she’s 23 and in college. I don’t know what to do. He has no idea I found all of this. I see they have a conversation going, but I definitely didn’t click on it. And I’m assuming she hasn’t accepted and so it’s all him talking for now. What do I do? our wedding is in November :(

TL;DR bf found waitress really attractive, and for a week he’s been trying to find her on social media. He did and sent a friend request. Is this grounds for breaking u?

People on the subreddit have offered some candid advice:

What do you think? Would you be mad if your boyfriend did this? TC mark

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