Thought Catalog
April 21, 2015

10 Things You Need To Know To Successfully Date An English Major

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Flickr / kate hiscock
Flickr / kate hiscock

English majors are a breed of their own — an exclusive variety of temperamental, expressive beings. We can be difficult to get along with, and even harder to charm, but that doesn’t prevent us from being hopeless romantics. Don’t worry though, following just a few tips can lead you straight to a English major’s heart (even if you aren’t Mr. Darcy or Elizabeth Bennet).

1. Use correct grammar.

This should be a given, but don’t take it lightly. Seriously, just carry around a thesaurus and dictionary at all times — unless, of course, you don’t mind be corrected every time you open your mouth. Just be prepared for the worst.

2. Learn to love reading.

Just humor an English major and try it out — but if you try reading and still hate it, don’t lie. We’re book lovers and we will know. We will know and we won’t like it. We believe whole-heartedly that reading opens your eyes to a whole new world and we want to share that world with you.

3. Listen to their fanciful notions.

We will go on and on about our dreams to write the next big novel, become a world-renowned author, and share every detail of our incessant imaginations. Always, always listen intently and encourage our dreams of becoming the next Tolkien — we’ll love you forever.

4. Take caution when sharing opinions.

Like most majors, we have strong opinions on subjects within our field. The difference between us and other majors is that we are writers, philosophers, artists, and much, much more — and we have strong opinions about all of the above. We’ll be open-minded about your opinions, but be prepared for an hour long lecture on how to see another perspective. We’re gifted in the art of articulating our thoughts and we’re prepared to articulate them to you — often.

5. Prepare yourself for deep thinking.

If you hate musing over life, death, and all things in between, you’re in the wrong place. English majors will set aside time specifically to ponder our own minds. If we’re close with you, we’ll certainly want to share every. last. detail. Brace yourself.

6. Deal with criticism effectively.

English majors are detail-oriented, overly critical creatures with a slight tendency to be ridiculously analytical. On behalf of all English majors, I apologize for the transference of these tendencies into our relationships. Just understand that we don’t hate you, but we do want you to listen to our criticism and take it seriously (sometimes).

7. Understand that we will write about you.

Yes, we will. Don’t bother asking if our latest article is personal — it is. If you don’t want something shared in our blog posts, just don’t do it. Sometimes, we like to pretend that what we write is fiction — but, deep down, we both know that it isn’t. We care about you and don’t want to hurt your feelings, but understand that this is just what we do. #SorryNotSorry

8. Brush up on your vocabulary.

Let me explain how our arguments work: We always win. We win because, when all else fails, we commence with throwing around words you won’t comprehend (see rule #1 and pull out your reference books). It’s inevitable. We know it’s cruel and unusual punishment, but, hey, we can’t help that hours of reading has finally paid off.

9. Books, books, books.

It should be understood that we love reading, but let me clarify that reading isn’t just a pastime — it’s a way of life. If you want to make us happy, buy us a book. If you get into an argument with an English major and need a quick fix, buy them a book. It never fails.

10. We will need our occasional space.

We’re probably introverted at heart, and even if we aren’t, we need the alone time to maximize our creativity. It’s nothing against you, but never crowd us during our time of inspiration — it won’t go well. We won’t often ask for the time apart — like I said, we’re hopeless romantics — but, sometimes we need space to let our imaginations run wild. Just let it be.

English majors are intense, passionate individuals. We will share that passion in our relationship if we are given the chance, but we won’t open up to just anyone. You’ll have to accept our grammar corrections, edited emails and texts, extensive novel collection, and constant curiosity. If you can handle that, you’ll give even our best literary crushes a run for their money. Good luck! TC mark