4 Struggles Of Being Single That No One Ever Talks About

“Just for fun,” I recently went through my contacts to calculate how many of my friends are in relationships/married, and how many of my friends are single. I should not have done that, because it turns out, about 99% of my friends are in relationships/married, and about 1% (which is basically me and two other people — even my sister, who I NEVER thought would get married, said she found her ‘soul mate’) are single. And after this astonishing finding of being the only one of my friends without a significant other, I’ve realized that being single is NOT the way to go. Here are some unique disadvantages.

1. There is no one to call when you are on vacation/at a conference.

I really like it you are on a trip, and after dinner, everyone goes back to the hotel room to ‘call home’ and ‘check up on things,’ and since your roommates and parents don’t really care how your trip is going, you sit awkwardly, lonely in the room by yourself, trying not to but unavoidably listening in on everyone else’s conversations. I mean, I guess I could call home and ask my sister to let me hear the dogs bark, but they probably don’t care that I am away either (This is probably why only single people seem to publish SnapChat stories: it is a cry for help, like, “Please someone! Validate my existence! I promise I matter in this world!”)

2. Everyone has already dated everyone else.

The older we get, the more people get married, which means the dating pool gets slimmer and slimmer every time. I really love meeting someone, doing the whole “get to know you” activities, and then finding out, “Oh, you went to CSU? Do you know my friend Jessica? Oh, you dated her?” And then you both turn to your phones to text Jessica and ask her about the DL: “Is he nice? Does he have any weird habits? Do you still talk?” And, inevitably she responds, “Eh, he’s ok.” I mean, there is a reason she broke up with him, and because she is my friend, I trust her judgment, and therefore, I am kind of over him already. It is really cool, for friendships, that so many social circles collide, but as far as dating goes, I don’t really like this, “Oh it’s such a small world!” I don’t really want to even think about how many of my friends you hooked up with. I like to be an original. I want to date my OWN guy, get some fresh meat to bring to this social circle that has NO drama attached.

3. You get asked to babysit/dog sit every weekend.

One big disadvantage of being single AND responsible is that everyone wants you to watch their houses when they go on romantic dates and lavish vacations. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE playing with your baby, and I LOVE bonding with your dog, but what kind of ends up happening is, I sign up to do it, because I know 99% of my friends are on romantic dates or lavish vacations with their significant others, and I will have nothing to do anyway, so I might as well make a little extra cash. But, then I am not out, slutting it up at the bars, and therefore limiting my chances of finding My One True Only, which means my dreams of going on those romantic dates and lavish vacations get pushed very, very far into the future, and all I am left with is a baby that can’t talk, and a dog that poops everywhere.

4. Everyone thinks you are fair game.

Because you a single, for some reason, that opens the door for anyone and everyone to contact you, even those people who are WAY out of your league. One of my two single friends went on a date with this guy in JUNE, and he still continues to text her every single day. For some reason, in his head, since she is single, he can continue to stalk. He sent a message along the lines of, “I don’t know what to do anymore. I have tried being aggressive, I have tried being passive. I tried to be nice to you, to be mean. I just don’t know how to get to you but I don’t want to give up because you are too beautiful.” Well, dude, perhaps you should just read the signs and give up.