I got engaged at 20, married at 21. When I found out I was pregnant at 21 I thought, “I’ve got this.” How naïve I was. My first few months of being a married woman I was finishing my last year of college while working full time for an insurance company processing claims. I believed nothing could be as difficult as managing my time between a full-time and demanding job, full-time school and navigating the new roads of married life.
Then my son was born.
I had a rough first few days in the hospital, to say the least, and then we brought him home and our families visited and we had a lot of help. Then they left, and after that my husband went back to his normal work schedule and then I became frustrated and stressed. I had a major lack of patience for my husband, my dog, my infant, and myself. Every night before I went to bed I would analyze our day and think about each time I lost my patience and felt like a failure. I would usually ask myself, “Am I too young for this? Would Sebastian be better off if I was older, wiser, more mature?” Most of the time I answered, “Probably.” Then I would wallow in self-pity until I fell asleep.
These thoughts spilled over into each day when I wasn’t sure exactly what my son needed at certain times. The times when he would not go down for a nap, or when I couldn’t accomplish the cleaning and other household duties I had lined up for that day because he demanded more than 100% of my attention. Then one night when I was lying in bed before I fell asleep I was feeling sorry for myself and wondering if I wasn’t a good enough mother, and wondering if Sebastian deserved more, I said to myself, “No way.”
I had to drastically change my way of thinking or it is going to make each day harder than the one before that. That night I thought to myself, “I may not be thirty years old and established in my career but it took 22 years to mold me into the person I am. I am mature, educated and happy. I am the person my son needs. I was made for him, and he was made for me. I knew him from the moment I found out I was pregnant. He was stitched together in my womb for ten months. Two imperfect beings made one perfect being, I am his and he is mine.”
Every day won’t be perfect. Everything may seem like it is going wrong, and everything might be going wrong but at least one thing is going right. Before you go to bed think about one thing you could have done better but then remind yourself of one or more things that you did that day that was great. Navigate each day with love, positivity, and warmth and if you strive for this every day that is what they will remember.