A lack of loyalty or honesty. Securely attached people developed healthy and stable relationships to their parents or caretakers, so they know what it means to love unconditionally. (They are also often the ones to stay in relationships far past their expiration date because of this.) The fastest way to kill a relationship with them is to display any kind of unwillingness to be truthful or committed. They don’t care to pursue a relationship with someone who isn’t wholeheartedly theirs.
Being judgmental. People who developed an avoidant attachment did so because they felt their parents didn’t accept certain aspects of who they were. It created a fear of being judged, particularly for anything that’s “imperfect” about them, so if they are with a partner who makes them feel as though even the most basic parts of who they won’t be accepted, they’ll move away very quickly. They need to be able to feel as though they can express their true feelings, and selves, without being afraid they’ll lose love.
An unpredictable temper. Also: mixed signals, or inconsistencies. Anxiously attached people are always trying to think ahead and “predict” whether or not someone will stop loving them. They thrive when they know what to expect from people – when they know they can trust them. Anxiously attached people thrive in relationships that feel “safe,” as that’s when they can really open up and be themselves. They do not take well to people whose moods swing unpredictably, or whose words and actions don’t match up.
Being too controlling. People with disorganized attachments found themselves dependent on their abusers, making for an incredibly challenging relationship dynamic. (They were literally bound to the very people who were hurting them the most.) Because of this, they can only really thrive in relationships where they feel independent and free, even when they’re committed. They will panic and move away the more they feel restricted or controlled. More likely: they will panic and move away if they see signs of being too controlling.