Thought Catalog
April 28, 2016

12 Things You Need To Remember If You’re Struggling To Believe That You’ll Ever Find Love

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Paolo Raeli
Paolo Raeli

1. There are so many kinds of love in a life. Romantic love is just one of them. If it outshines the others to such a degree that you think it’s all that matters, you probably don’t have enough in other places.

2. It will not fix you the way you think it will. It will not excuse you from having to figure out what you want to do with your life, or make you feel happy all the time. It’s wonderful, but it’s not everything.

3. You’re probably stressed because you’re not as open to it as you think (not that you’re actually in disbelief that it will happen). 

4. Nobody thinks they’ll find love. It’s not like you’ll be able to say: “Oh, next month is when I meet them.” It will just happen. You won’t be able to anticipate it, which is scary, but can also give you relief if you let it.

5. If you think you feel empty without love, it’s because you’re empty in some other way. If you don’t address this now, no person will satisfy your emotional needs, and you’ll inadvertently wreck some (otherwise great) relationships because of it.

6. If you look around at the people who have love, you’ll see that they’re all different. Your lack of love has nothing to do with your size, your quirks, your personality. It’s not just objectively “hot” people who find romance. (In fact, they’re usually the last to find it simply because they can rely on appearances over substance.)

7. Do not confuse a mismatched pairing for something being “wrong” with you. If someone doesn’t love you, it’s not because you’re unlovable, it’s because you aren’t a great fit. The real problem is why you’ve attached so much meaning onto whether or not this one person likes you.

8. You’re better off alone than doing what most people do – which is just settle with the first person who seems alright because, well, that’s it.

9. You could meet your big love tomorrow. Remind yourself of that often – it will keep you open in ways you otherwise wouldn’t be.

10. Every single one of us is destined for love in this life. We all have people who love us in different ways, at different times, for our own unique reasons. The idea that some people have love and some don’t is an illusion, one that keeps you in competition with others and discord with yourself.

11. Embrace this time for what it is: possibly the last bit of time you have on your own. People grow and develop more radically when they’re single usually because they’re just less comfortable (and less obligated to remain the same for someone else). Use this and thrive.

12. If you want it this much, you already have it. We don’t desire things that aren’t, at some level, already ours. You don’t ache for a degree in physics if it doesn’t interest you. You don’t crave a love with someone you’re not attracted to. Let your instinct remind you that there’s something you cannot know you know about what you’re headed for. Let your heart remind you that either way, you have everything you need. TC mark