Thought Catalog
November 29, 2015

8 Things You Need To Know If You’re The Person Who Always Wants To Fix Everyone’s Problems

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What is the issue?
Wanting to help people feel better, most of the time, comes from a place of well-meaning. However, few people realize that not only are they not responsible for fixing anybody else, but it’s actually impossible altogether. Here are a few things you need to know if you’re one of those people who believes that carrying a load will relieve someone else’s… rather than just burden you both.
NAO
NAO

1. Every time you find yourself thinking: “this person’s life would be so much better if only they could do [this],” apply that to your own life. The best way to help others is by embodying what you think would make their lives better… not to mention the fact that usually, what we project as advice to others is what we’re trying to tell ourselves.

2. You cannot fix people who do not want to be fixed. You cannot fix people who want to be fixed, either. You cannot pressure, coerce, convince or inspire anybody to change if they do not want to be changed on their own. You cannot do the actual work of changing someone even if they want you to. All you can do is love, support and encourage, and spend your time becoming the person you want to be.

3. If you’re not careful, wanting to fix everyone can come along with constantly seeking out how they could be better. And when you’re seeking how someone could be better, you’re not loving or appreciating them for who they really are. After all, anybody who needs help really just needs to be loved anyway.

4. You can fall in love with someone’s potential, but you can’t be surprised if it never becomes reality. You have to be willing to love someone as they are, not as they could maybe, someday, one day be. People are not projects, and committing to the idea of someone is not far off from committing to your own personal delusions.

5. Many people – old souls especially – feel called to help or heal others in some way. This is not the same thing as “fixing.” Helping and healing is assisting on someone’s personal journey toward fixing themselves. The difference is who is bearing the responsibility: you or them.

6. You do not need other people to be happy for you to be happy. This is the reason many people begin wanting to fix others in the first place – they’ve tied their own happiness to someone else’s.

7. It’s not your job to decide who needs to be fixed and not. From your perspective, “good” and “bad” may seem like objective truths, but that is a sore illusion that we’re all under now and again. You cannot determine whether or not someone needs to be fixed.

8. You cannot fix people, you can only love them. You are not a better person for being able to determine how worthy someone is of love, or how desperately they need to change. Your character is determined by how much kindness you extend to them regardless. TC mark

Want more articles like this? Check out Brianna Wiest’s book The Truth About Everything here.

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