Thought Catalog
June 12, 2017

If You See These 3 Things From Him, He’s Absolutely A Keeper

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Toa Heftiba

All relationships require a lot of work to sustain. Don’t complicate things by devoting yourself to a man that may not be worthy of your love.

The superficial reasons that make someone immediately attractive are not the qualities required for them to be healthy long-term relationship material. While a sculpted torso and magnetic eyes are exciting in the short term, the following personality traits reveal a guy capable of being a committed partner.

Sincerity

The signs of a sincere man are not hard to spot once you know what to look for. First, he admires you for more than your body, and doesn’t see any success you enjoy as a competition. A sincere man has an inner confidence that carries and sustains him. He can give you his blunt honest opinion on things when you ask for it, but he’ll never criticize you just to be cruel.

A man who is being sincere is not afraid to tell you his feelings and isn’t put off by your displays of genuine emotion. Be wary of any man who seems too busy to hear your opinions on matters of the heart.

Every man is either a giver or a taker. A lot of sincere men show they are giving by being charitable in a low-key way. They often give of their time and resources to others who are less fortunate, but they don’t want or need to be publicly acknowledged for it.

A man who is sincere keeps his promises. If he tells you he’s going to be somewhere—that’s where you’ll find him. You shouldn’t have to doubt the loyalty of a sincere man, but if little lies so easily roll of his tongue—should you really trust him to be faithful to you?

Finally, a sincere man doesn’t need to be the center of your universe because he understands the importance of you pursuing your dreams. A confident sincere man wants to be with a person who has a healthy self-worth.

Virility

In today’s couch and screen driven world, virility seems to no longer be a marker of an authentic man—but it should be. A healthy man should not only have a strong sex drive, but express vitality and strength in other ways as well. A virile man can command attention when necessary, isn’t prejudiced, stays levelheaded in a crisis, isn’t lazy or careless, and maintains a positive upbeat outlook that is refreshing and fun to be around. People who spend time around virile men leave the encounter feeling energized—not drained.

Physical strength plays an important role in virility, yet there should be an inner strength to go along with brawn. A virile man makes you feel protected, but never disrespects you by making you feel weak. Popular culture often promotes men who objectify women, are manipulative and controlling and use sex as a power play. A virile man sees the danger of this type of behavior and works towards a connection with their partner that is based on equality and shared intimacy.

The ancient Romans believed that a man who possessed virilitas wasn’t just a hero in the bedroom, but a man of virtue and accomplishments outside of one as well.

Heart

The expression “to have heart” has been in use since the Middle Ages, and began as a description for especially courageous knights and soldiers who were willing to bravely risk their lives in the service of someone else.

When it applies to men of today, the term often gets tossed around sports arenas to describe amazing athletic feats in the face of great adversity. However, “having heart” also describes a person with impressive compassion, empathy, and love. A whole-hearted man should bear both of these definitions—like two sides of a coin.

A man with a lot of heart makes the perfect husband and father because he has learned how to put the lives of others before his own. Instead of allowing the problems of the world to make him jaded and cynical, he seeks to be someone’s shelter in a life storm. Without heart, can any man really appreciate true beauty?

Many cultures believe the heart (in either a physical or metaphorical sense) to be the center of intuition, ancient wisdom, qi energy, or as in the Christian tradition, the place where God is invited to reside. Regardless of a person’s religion, there is no denying the spiritual connection with “having heart.” A man who has heart knows what he believes and lives his life according to those principles.

Too Good to be True?

Everyone is a work in progress; even a guy in possession of these traits will still have other flaws. The questions to consider are: which direction is the man heading? Is he on a personal quest to become better? Does he even know what “better” looks like?

As a man who has been happily married to an incredible woman for over ten years, I can attest to the fact that working towards improving these three principles in my own life has been key to sustaining my rewarding and healthy relationship.

When evaluating potential partners, never hold someone else to a higher standard than you hold yourself. No man who has put in the personal work to cultivate these traits is going to be captivated by a shallow, self-absorbed partner who isn’t working towards similar character goals.

The company you keep will impact your life immensely. If you want to be with a man, pursue one who is sincere, virile, and full of heart. Together you can enjoy all the benefits of a relationship built to last. TC mark

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