What Your Favorite Game Of Thrones Character Says About You, Part 1
If your favorite Game of Thrones character is Tyrion Lannister, you’re a nice guy with a twist. You have a job at a small start-up, at which you’re valued for your insights and savviness. Thing is, you’re plotting for a promotion, and it does involve screwing over some of your closest co-workers. But oh well — that’s life. Can’t get to the top of the dogpile without stepping on some bodies on the way. But all that’s just business. When you get home at the end of the day, you’ve got a kind, maternal girlfriend waiting for you, who you very much appreciate. Well, you’ve cheated on her a few times, and curiously, you detect not a hint of remorse about it, but you do appreciate her. You really do.
If your favorite Game of Thrones character is Joffrey Baratheon, f-ck you. You’re f-cked up. If you like Joffrey, who’s basically King’s Landing’s version of Patrick Bateman, you liked torturing small animals as a little kid and now spend your monotonous days at your crappy data-entry job trolling SomethingAwful forums and leaving extremely racist/ sexist comments in the comment sections of YouTube videos. Your favorite book is Blood Meridian, you’re obsessed with Tyler the Creator, and you own Takashi Miike’s entire filmography. You likely live in a fully-carpeted ground level apartment with a roommate who you despise for being relatively well-adjusted and with whom the only contact you make is when you leave your poorly-lit dungeon of a room to restart your wireless router so your torture porn video can start loading again. You freak.
If the mother of dragons, Daenerys Targaryen, is your favorite Game of Thrones character, you grew up a spoiled brat and continue to suffer from ‘the world revolves around me’ syndrome as an adult. You’re likely a server at a place like The Old Spagetti Factory or Olive Garden or Marie Calender’s who flips out on the line chefs when they put the wrong dressing on a side salad order. “RAWWR!” you say to them. “I AM THE TEAM LEADER HERE! HOW DARE YOU CROSS ME. WHEN I AM HEAD SERVER OF THIS ESTABLISHMENT, IT IS YOU WHO SHALL BE THE FIRST TO GO! SIRS!” You then proceed to text your friend, who you’ve viciously kept in the friend zone for THREE YEARS, “dude these people don’t appreciate me here. can you pick me up from work after my shift is over? and drive me to the grocery store? and then can you take me to the bank, and then the laundromat after that? pretty please?” Your friend texts back, “of course ;).”
If your favorite character on Game of Thrones is Theon “Benedict Arnold” Greyjoy, I don’t like you anymore. I used to like you, but then you got promoted to Head of Accounts (no salary increase — I know, I have inside information) and became a total dick. I mean, why’d you email our boss telling him I actually wasn’t sick the other day when I took the day off? What the hell, man? What is wrong with you? You know they “promoted” you so you’d stop whining about how you’re “underappreciated” and “never getting the respect you deserve.” I used to like you, dude. I used to think you were a good person, but now I’m not so sure. What gives? (Oh, and your taste in women is super weird, promotion or not.)
A | A | A
Describe for us the threesome with your OKCupid hookup.
If this doesn’t become the biggest video on the Internet, then I have no faith left in humanity.
I’m about to finish up my sophomore fall of college, and friends from home are getting married and having babies and sufficiently freaking me out.
He was a perfect date. I later got drunk and hacked his phone (who uses their birth year for a password? It was 1986, by the way #teamcougar). What I found was a text to a Kristina explaining his aforementioned sex dream he’d had about her while sleeping next to me in a luxurious hotel bed.