July 22, 2011

Different Types Of Quiet People There Are

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The Seemingly Thoughtful Quiet Person

The seemingly thoughtful quiet person is probably a sage-like individual, consistently stopping short of making overgeneralized conclusions to pause and make a number of qualifications regarding his overall point so as – seemingly – to not be misunderstood and apply the most reasonable treatment to whatever subject he’s considering. It is not known however if this is all a facade. For example the seemingly thoughtful quiet person could just be totally indecisive and dense, or just like really high or whatever, and as such lacking any type of moral imperative or strong inner logic to guide his decisions. In other words it’s unknown if the seemingly thoughtful quiet person is a zen-like intellectual powerhouse or a total dumbass. [1] Regardless, some people are quite endeared toward the seemingly thoughtful quiet person, but others are probably intimidated by him, because quietness is known to disarm and make uncomfortable the louder of our kin. Others ‘call bullshit.’

The Shit-On Quiet Person

The shit-on quiet person has very recently been conversationally shit on, mostly by some loud aggravator who thoughtlessly directed the entire group’s attention directly on the quiet person by proclaiming that the quiet person is obviously really bored and then saying that she “probably wants the get the fuck away from all of us assholes” while grinning and inciting loud, affirmative group laughter (excluding, of course, the shit-on quiet person, who at this point sort of wants to disappear and kind of feels like her face is melting, or something – it’s this weird sensation during which a burning sensation is felt in her face and she’s actually not thinking anything, but simply experiencing a tidal rush of shame and indignation toward the inconsiderate dickhead who just called her out for doing nothing). Ironically the shit-on quiet person now probably does “want to get the fuck away” from the group, seeing that this whole shit show just occurred, and might actually extricate herself from the situation in the very near future.

The Funny Quiet Person

The funny quiet person has a really quirky, surprisingly clever sense of humor and quick wit and as such is that much more endearing. In fact the funny quiet person is perhaps the only type of quiet person that’s capable of being the center of attention while maintaining total conversational efficiency, e.g. Mitch Hedberg.

As such people love to have the funny quiet person around, and because of this the funny quiet person enjoys all the social benefits that a typical alpha human enjoys.

The Fuming Quiet Person

The fuming quiet person can most often be observed at parties or among friends, quietly enraged by some incident e.g. getting ‘shut down’ in conversation or being wrongly accused of holding a certain belief and being subsequently unable to convince the group that in fact she’s been misinterpreted and does not hold that belief at all – quite the contrary in fact – because the group just begins laughing loudly and ‘talking her down’ in an amicable manner and then quickly moves on to another subject where it would be inappropriate and obsessive/ anal-seeming for the quiet person to now insist that they discuss the previous topic at hand because she’s fixated on clarifying her belief here. Instead the fuming quiet person quietly fumes, her face having gained a slight rose, upset for being misunderstood but, because of her demeanor, judging action ‘not worth it’ for the continual discomfort and weirdness it’s likely to involve.

The Creepy Intoxicated Quiet Person

The creepy intoxicated quiet person can most often be found, obviously, at places where people gather for the express purpose of imbibing. For whatever reason, the intoxicated quiet person has quietly committed himself to drinking the sadness away, or drinking the quietness away, or drinking the shyness away, or drinking whatever away. Whatever he’s drinking away, it’s a halfhearted but hopeful effort to just let go for once, almost a plea that’s something like “just this once, just don’t worry about it, lose yourself,” and so, soon, the creepy intoxicated quiet person is totally shit-faced and, ironically, not talking very much at all. Sometimes he grins but mostly he’s observed sporadically breaking his silence with weird, enthusiastic outbursts directed toward groups of people who were not talking to him. The creepy intoxicated person has in fact ‘creeped up’ on them so as to only halfway intrude on their circle, making many of the group’s members wonder if acknowledging the existence of the quiet intoxicated person is in order or if they should ‘close him out’ by turning their backs to him. In other words, no one knows who the fuck this guy is or if he’s trying to assert himself into the group until he laughs and says something affirmative about something just mentioned, and then it gets really weird. TC mark

image – Craig Cloutier
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