There Is Something About Turning 25

It seems that on the day I turned 25 everyone suddenly realized I was single, and apparently so did I.

“25 just seems so much older than 24.”

“When do you think you’ll get married?”

“Did you used to think you’d be married by the time you’re 25?”

“I hope I’m married by the time I’m 25.”

“I think if you turn 30 and you’re still single in Germany, they don’t celebrate your birthday.”

I could proceed with the clichéd “I was never the girl who planned her wedding” spiel, but I can hear my creative-writing tutor telling me that would be lazy writing, so I won’t.

But I want you to know I was never the girl who planned her wedding.

I was the girl who planned her Oscar speech, I was the girl who worried about extreme poverty, and I was the girl whose throat closed up any time a guy would mention “forever.” A committed relationship felt like shackles and the idea of marriage felt like being chained to silent suffocation.

But there is something about turning 25.

If you’re older than me I can feel your lips curl into that patronizing smile my mother has been waiting to use on me, and if you’re younger than me I can feel you rolling your eyes as your iPhone lights up with another lover you don’t love.

I thought my quarter-century crisis was going to be about not having a cool apartment in the city or not having a book published yet, but instead I became acutely aware that I am single.

I feel I must tell you that my life has not been empty. I have traveled the world, I have invested in strong friendships, I have written, I have directed, I have styled, I have photographed, I have dreamed, I have planed, I have served, and I have led. I am proud of my independence.

Like many people in my generation I have kissed more people than I could hope to count, had a dozen or so flings, a few short-term relationships, two long-term relationships, and I have never been in love.

But there is something about turning 25.

Your close friends start to call their boyfriends their “partners,” your little sister gives you a niece, your Facebook feed has less pre-drink selfies and more engagement rings and baby notices. Last month someone I used to babysit got married.

I was warned it would happen. Everyone told me I would grow up and want different things and I never believed them, but I guess they were right. I guess I would like to fall in love, settle down, invest in a community, buy a little house, have a writing desk of my own, and maybe even a kid or two. Maybe. Let’s not get too excited.

But there is definitely something about turning 25.