Thought Catalog
June 12, 2017

Don’t Jump Back Into Your Toxic Relationship Just Because He Came Back

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You wake up to a text from him and your stomach drops. You haven’t heard from him in weeks and all the sudden you see his name lighting up your phone and you start to feel sick. You reread it a hundred times and ask all your friends what to say back.

All that time you spent working on yourself or talking to someone new doesn’t matter because in this moment he thought of you. He thought of you enough to text you and that makes everything else irrelevant.

Just like that he can come in and flip your entire world on its side again. Just like that the possibility of getting back together comes flooding back into your mind and you don’t pay attention to the fact that the way he loved you was all wrong. You forget about all the nasty things he said to you and called you. You forget about the progress you were making without him. You forget about how toxic your relationship was as you think of the perfect message to text back.

You start ignoring everyone who tells you that it’s not worth it because what if things are different this time? What if he changed? What if you can finally have that happily ever after you decided to cling to for so long? What if, what if, what if…

His name starts coming out of your mouth again like word vomit and you can’t stop it.

You want to know more, you want to know why he texted you, what he’s thinking, what he’s doing, if he’s changed at all.

He tells you he’s changed, he tells you things will be different this time, he tells you he shouldn’t have waited so long to text you because you’re always on his mind.

But the truth is he’s feeding you more bullshit.

Things haven’t changed, he hasn’t changed, you haven’t changed. You might feel like it might be different and maybe it will be for the first few weeks or months but then things will go back to the way they were before because people don’t really change. Things will get toxic again and you will still have all those underlying worries and fears. All those things will come flooding back.

It’s easy to believe someone is different because it’s what you want to believe. You want to believe the person you love and you want to believe things are going to be better this time around. And maybe they might be but more times than not your ex is your ex for a reason.

You miss him, I get it, I really do. But sometimes that isn’t enough just like love isn’t always enough.

You can love someone with your whole heart and that doesn’t mean you’re good for each other. You can miss someone but that doesn’t mean you’re supposed to be together. 

Don’t just jump back into his arms because he sent you a text telling you he missed you. Don’t just believe him when he says things will be different. Don’t break your own heart going back because as much as you want to believe things will be different they probably won’t.

You can miss him but that doesn’t mean you should go back. It doesn’t mean he won’t break your heart again. TC mark