September 6, 2016

Thank You For Loving Me, Despite Being My Biggest Heartbreak

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Thought.is
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I cried over you for months, I thought I’d never be able to pull myself back together after losing you. I sat in the dark screaming of how much I missed you, I drowned my sorrows into a bottle and kissed the lips of other’s I didn’t care about all to try to erase you from my memory. But as hard as I tried I realized no one could ever replace you because you can’t replace true love.

You can’t erase memories with a bottle. You can’t forget their touch by fucking strangers.

You can miss them with every inch of your body, but that doesn’t mean they’re coming back.

I lost myself in the heartbreak I experienced from you, but years later I found myself again.

Years later I now realize what I was doing all that time, I realize I was trying to replace you. I was trying to find a new you and fill the wounds in my heart from you leaving by people who didn’t care about me. I tried to replace you, but you can’t replace who loved you. I wish I knew then what I know now because I would have saved myself a lot of trouble.

You were my biggest heartbreak, you partially destroyed me and I spent months, even years torturing myself over the loss of you because I never thought I’d be okay again.

But now I’m okay and I want to thank you, despite all the pain I felt.

You taught me what it felt like to be loved and to be wanted. You made me feel what it meant to be the center of someone’s universe and you taught me about love and loss.

A lot of people in this world never get to experience true love, but because of you I’m lucky enough to say I have.

We were to young, to naïve and to dumb to realize just how much we still had left to discover about ourselves, but the years I spent with you by my side are years I’ve now began to cherish.

I don’t miss you, per say, I think about you, but I don’t cry over you anymore. I don’t wish I was spending time with you and I don’t ever feel an urge to call you to tell you exciting news. Instead I keep your memory near my heart, I keep it there when I feel alone in the world and I relish in the fact that despite everything I know what it feels like to have been loved in a world that can be so cold. I keep it in mind when I feel unlovable because you are proof that I am.

You loved me through my quirks, you loved me through the struggles we faced, you loved me through everything. You always stood up for me and you had my back no matter what.

You bet on me when I wouldn’t even bet on myself, you believed in me when I had no faith left, and that’s what love is.

You put me first and made sure I was happy. You sacrificed repeatedly for me and emphasized the fact that what we had was real.

You taught me what love is, despite being the hardest break up I’ve ever had to go through, you taught me how wonderful love is. You taught me to open my heart, you taught me that people are good; you taught me it’s okay to let someone care about me. You taught me what a relationship is all about so for that I thank you; I thank you because some people will never experience what we had. Even if it was for a fraction of my life I feel lucky enough to know what love is from you. TC mark

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