Here you are again, with your head cradled in your hands and your heart pounding like a wrecking ball against the walls of your chest. Maybe you left, or maybe they did, it doesn’t matter—the fact is you’re in treacherous territory, minus a best friend, and wondering which way is the right way forward. The first and most important thing to remember about letting go is it is one of the only things in the world that doesn’t get easier with experience or practice, because it’s different every time. Every connection you develop with another human being is unique to itself and requires its own strategy to sever, but there are a few general guidelines you can follow.

Avoid quick fixes at all costs. The solution to a broken heart isn’t finding something else to seal the wound, but falling back in love with your solitary self; it is relearning how to enjoy the company of your thoughts, and trust in your instincts and ability to navigate a life on your own. Though a rebound may well be gratifying in the moment, it will keep you dependent on others for happiness, and before long you’ll find yourself leaping from one thing to another until love is no longer love at all, but a stepping stone, a way safely through to the other side without ever being required to face a thing alone. You deserve so much more than that.

And here’s why: If others find you unique and desirable and enjoyable to be around, why shouldn’t you feel that way about yourself? Why shouldn’t you take time to appreciate your own company and get back in touch with your own desires and hopes. After some soul-searching you may find that you have gone off track, that somewhere along the way you have lost sight of what really matters and now you have an opportunity to find your way back. Take advantage of that.

I believe wholeheartedly that every plight and predicament in life has a purpose, one that if harnessed sensibly can be used to help you grow and better yourself as a human being. Breakups are no different. Rather than wallow in self-pity and sadness, choose instead to rise above it, to take the challenge, reassess your wishes and wants, and rediscover yourself. Believe me, you might just like what you find.