8 Things I’ve Learned From 8 Generations Of Nintendo

To me, life is but one big video game. Everything in the world lies out there to be discovered, but you have to be willing to take the challenge of going out to explore it. My unhealthy obsession with the video game world, specifically that of Nintendo, has proven to teach me a thing or two about how to handle life in the real world.

1. Legend of Zelda – When I was 30 rupees short on buying the shield, I didn’t cry about it. I went into a field and broke stuff and killed enemies until I had enough money. Life, especially for bright-eyed 20-somethings, gets discouraging when it comes to paying bills, but there’s always a way to make it financially if you have the will to succeed.

Note: I am not condoning robbery or vandalism of any kind.

2. Mario Party – In our system of American Capitalism, you have to compete with people, sometimes your peers. Scratch that. You have to do what seems like pinning them down by their wrists and wringing the opportunities out of their lifeless hands. Thus, you’ll be hated and looked at like a backstabber, even when you deserved the said opportunity.

3. Animal Crossing – Remember turnips? Those things that attempted to emulate the system of speculation in the stock market? I used to fill every space in my 5-bedroom house with turnips waiting until the end of the week to sell them for the highest price, then they would all inevitably rot and I’d have lost thousands of bells. Greed kills everything it touches.

4. Super Smash Bros. – Female roles in every shape and form are awesome and you shouldn’t feel obliged to be anything other than your true self for anyone. Peach has been my favorite character in Smash Bros. since Melee, and I promise to crush you with her frying pan and vegetables any day. Samus Aran wields a fearsome power suit, but when the cookie crumbles, either fighter can equally murder you in the hands of the right player.

5. Star Fox – Your friends probably drive you insane, constantly telling you what to do while simultaneously begging for your help. Then, one of them saves your behind one random time and it reminds you why having them by your side is worth it.

6. Mario Kart – If you knew anything, you held an item behind your kart to deflect a rabid competitor’s red shell. This is the principle behind defensive driving, and maybe even defensive living. You have to protect yourself, looking at every other person on the road with the potential that they could harm you.

7. Pokémon – You caught hundreds and didn’t sincerely care about any but, like, three. And one of them was probably a Pidgey you kept on your team until the Elite Four. You make many acquaintances in life, but in the end, you keep only a few true friends close, and for some reason they end up being the quirkiest ones. But it’s the presence of those proud few that makes the difference.

8. Super Mario Bros. – You either thoroughly played through every level, or you used the shortcuts in the underground and felt like you didn’t accomplish anything. The greater purpose of life is in the journey. It’s the knowledge that you overcame every single obstacle that was thrown your way, not just the fact that you made it to the other side. And also that you sometimes need to take ‘shrooms and set things on fire to get through the harder parts. Just kidding.