Ray Downs is a writer who doesn't write well while drunk despite his many attempts to emulate the great writers who did. When people ask where he's from, he sounds pretentious because he answers: "Lots of places," but that's basically true because he moved around so much while growing up. And he sometimes dreams about moving to Hawaii, but is afraid he would be somehow unhappy and then feel stupid because it was such a big move to get there. Ray has also written a novel inspired by the many horrible customer service jobs he has had to do. It's called "Blow Jobs - A Novel."