Jimmy Chen

Articles by
Jimmy Chen

Contraceptive Methods Ranked By Male Pleasure

Method: Condom Summary: Sperm is thwarted. Commentary: Our general ambivalence with condoms is more than just sensory. It is existential, for the male has an anthropological imperative to inseminate his partner in order to propagate his genes.

What Your Shoes Say About You

You buy vegetables at farmer’s market — carrying their ostentatiously exposed stems and leaves in an artistic canvas tote bag purchased at Etsy — and render them into soup that day while listening to NPR solemnly address contemporary issues.

On Being Sodomized

The sodomy was clinical in nature, and thus concede to using the word with liberty.

VH1’s 100 Greatest Artists Of All Time

LL Cool J — I liked how he kept licking his lips in “Going Back to Cali”; seemed like obsessive compulsive disorder, but since he’s a stud no one called him out on that.

What Your Relationship Status Says About You

Regular sexual intercourse two or three times a week, usually Thursday nights after The Office and on the weekend; Saturday date night dinner at ethnic fusion restaurant whose assimilation of Southeast-Asian or Latin flavors one earnestly abridges with “wow.”

Overview Of Cheetos Puffs

We shall discover herein analytical aspects of our subject, punctuated by commentary of a more personal sort, starting right here with a description of the emotional status necessary to get Cheetos Puffs. One does not wish to live any longer, but still wants their final moments filled with joy.

Ass Hairs: I Have a Problem

My body is similar in touch to a dolphin’s. Yet – and by the title of this article I think you know where I’m going – I have extremely long ass hairs, up to 2-inches. Not only are my ass hairs easily the longest hairs on my body, but I would argue they are longer than any hairs on your body; unless, of course, you fashion long hair.