Stop Creeping On Your Ex
By Ashley Twigg
The fact of the matter is that everyone is a stalker to some extent.
The issue is you need to become acutely aware of just how bad you are so you can channel that energy for good instead of evil.
Which brings us to: Ex-boyfriends and the wonderful world of social media.
This is a black hole that you need to avoid at all costs. It will suck you in and before you know it, its been two hours and you are looking at his pictures from 2007 and hating all the girls in those too. Delete them on Facebook, unfollow them on Twitter, and if they are on Pinterest – then two points for you for getting out of a relationship with a man who is on Pinterest.
It’s just bad news. Why you ask? Because I know how the female brain works, I am a crazy girl too. God forbid we see that they have become Facebook friends with a girl – we have instantly mentally insulted everything about her and decided obviously she’s a whore. Is that horrible? Absolutely. Is that entirely accurate? Absolutely.
You will torture yourself with every picture, every comment, every meaningless thing that ends up on there. Hey there is a chance she may be a whore, and maybe you are a LOT better looking than she is- but the fact of the matter is the relationship ended and everybody needs to move on, including you.
I am all too aware of how much breakups suck. I have experienced one horrible one & you bet your ass I’m not signing up for that shit again anytime soon. But let’s try something healthier to deal with these emotions like going on a margarita diet for a month or online shopping your feelings. Once this mourning period is over and you’ve made it a few weeks without crying at your desk at work (guilty) or swearing at any couple you see on TV and occasionally in public (also guilty) THEN you will be ready to move on.
And when you have a new hot boyfriend and you’re happy and prancing around in your cute tiny clothes because you spent months getting “fuck you” skinny – THEN you can look at his Facebook and thank the good Lord you got out of that mess when you did because you are SO much better off.
In 2005 my father went to the doctor complaining of chest pain. The doctor assured him it was heartburn and sent him home with Tums and no further testing. My father came home and died of a heart attack later that day.
By Charlie Shaw
After a couple of hours, I had acquired a large frigate with like 40 cannons on it; I thought, ain’t no sucka running up on me.
New York City used to be mine. It’s a lot of peoples. Like the guy who is always out there at 6am selling fruit on the corner of 31st and 3rdAvenue.
By Jen Glantz
Employing the word “soulmate” in casual conversation, as if that wasn’t the linguistic equivalent of coughing up glitter on someone in the middle of a sentence.