Most of us have been in relationships where we felt misunderstood or weren’t getting what we wanted. I’ve heard multiple women say, “He just wasn’t giving me what I needed.” And I’ve heard multiple men ask something along these lines: “What in the hell do you really want?!” Women aren’t that complicated. This post explains what we really want.

1. We want little surprises.

Sure, we do like flowers and jewelry, and we’ll gladly accept both…and totally love you for it. But we don’t expect you to go out and spend an arm and a leg every month to keep us happy. Contrary to what you might think, we’re not out to break the bank. But we do love little surprises. Is there a new wine we’ve been obsessed with? Stop at the store on your way home and pick us up a bottle (because you know the bottle we bought three days ago is already empty). Do we have a newfound love of yoga? Grab us that $8 yoga mat you saw while browsing the fishing aisles at Walmart. Have we gotten really into baking lately? Show up with a baking cookbook (but let’s be honest, you’re really benefiting yourself here). I’m not saying shower us with expensive presents every day or even every month. But a few times a year wouldn’t hurt. Because it lets us know that you’re thinking of us. It makes us feel like seeing us happy is important to you and makes you happy.

While sweet little surprises really do make us melt, most of the things we need can’t be bought. So pay attention, this is the important stuff….

2. We want to be able to talk to you.

About everything and about nothing. It may seem trivial to you that we’re conducting a full-fledged debate out loud about whether we should wear our taupe shoes or ivory shoes with our blue lace dress. In your head, you’re probably thinking, “Who cares, they’re the same color anyways, and no one is going to be looking at your shoes.” But bite your tongue. We need to feel like we’re able to be women in front of you…and women debate on taupe v. ivory. Let us talk it out. And if we ask for your opinion, just say a color. And you might not care about some story we saw on the news or read on the Internet, but if it’s important to us, let us talk. Don’t make us feel like you’d rather not be sitting there or you have better things to do. Let us talk about our fears, our dreams, or about what color we should paint the living room. We just want to know that no matter what is it, we can talk to you.

Be open to talking about the relationship. Always. If there’s something we’re unhappy with, be open to communicating about it. Don’t get defensive. Don’t shut us out. That won’t solve anything. Relationships are about growing together, getting stronger together, working better together, and making tweaks on both sides. How in the world will we ever do that if we can’t even talk about the way things are going?

3. We want you to care about us.

Ask us how our day was. Because we need to feel like you’re still interested in what goes on in our lives. And if we’ve had a bad day, whether it was at work or at home with the kids, listen to us. We’ll instantly feel better. Providing some encouragement never hurts, either.

4. We want you to believe in us.

Believe in us. Whatever our hopes, goals, aspirations—believe in us. Encourage us. Tell us we can do it. You’re supposed to be our biggest supporter…our #1 fan.

5. We want to feel appreciated.

For who we are, for what we do, and for what we’re striving to become. If we make dinner, say thanks or let us know it was good…and if it wasn’t good, compliment the way the water tasted. We don’t mind doing the laundry every Sunday. But when you see all your shirts hung up and facing the same way, let us know you appreciate it, especially if we used fabric softener. That shit’s expensive and we wouldn’t use it on just anyone’s clothes.

6. We want to feel like we’re a team.

If we made dinner, offer to clean up. While we’re cleaning the house, wash our car for us. There may be times when you unload the dishwasher every time for a month, and times when we do the laundry every time for a month. It’s not about keeping score or making sure everything is even. It’s about working together, because a relationship takes two. Teamwork requires compromise. Teamwork requires you to work together, not against one another. It’s about understanding that the two of you are partners, not enemies.

7. We want you to stand up for us.

If someone is questioning choices we’ve made or actions we’ve taken, stand up for us. If someone is putting us down, stand up for us. If someone is minimizing our accomplishments, stand up for us. If someone calls us crazy…first agree with them, then stand up for us.

8. We want you to pick us up when we fall.

I’m not going to lie. There are probably going to be some days when we feel down in the dumps, and those days will usually occur after we’ve failed at something or we’re just questioning whether or not we’re cut out for something. Let us cry on your shoulder. Tell us that we have value, and tell us to keep at it.

9. We want you to make us laugh.

This is probably the sweet spot for every woman. We want you to be able to make us laugh—when we’re happy, it makes us happier; when we’re sad, it makes us happy; and when we’re mad…well, it’ll probably just piss us off more at first (c’mon, stop making us laugh, we’re trying really hard to be mad at you!), but then it will lighten the mood. We will fall in love with you over and over if you can make us laugh.

10. We want you to text us.

Doesn’t matter what you text us—just text us. Tell us good morning—we’ll be thrilled you’re thinking of us. Tell us you can’t wait to see us—it’ll make our day. Ask us how we are. Send us a funny picture. Tell us about the new song you’ve been listening to. Tell us about the prank Zach pulled on Shaun. We’re not picky; we really don’t care what you text us, we just care that you do text us.