November 28, 2016

I Loved You, Because You Made Me Feel Like I Actually Mattered

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Unsplash, Jacob Culp
Unsplash, Jacob Culp

You reached for my hand that one night in November. I felt your skin touch mine and I felt a bolt of electricity transfer from your fingers to mine. However, unlike the first time we met, it felt cold and unforgiving. They reflected the air that seeped through my sweater, to my spine. Any moment, I’d hear you say goodbye and I’d be left here gathering the shattered pieces of you, of us.

It’s funny when you reach a point in life wherein you’re confronted with the task of skimming through memories. It’s like being on that roller coaster you feared as a child and being strapped in your seat for the rest of the ride. You have to endure the whole thing, the best hoops and the most frightening turns.

I was on that roller coaster when words started coming out of your mouth. You never meant to hurt me, and I could see that in your eyes. But, you were also tired of trying.

Perhaps, I ignored the signs.

Perhaps, I navigated through our relationship complacent.

Maybe I was too comfortable. Maybe, we both knew it wasn’t perfect all along, but we were both stubborn and believed that hey, this could be the exception!

That was one of the reasons why I loved you.

Words became a blur of sentences; sentences became memories. I was transported to a moment and remembered the reasons why I loved you.

I loved you, because you listened to all my silly and nonsensical stories. You listened to my beliefs and we both agreed to disagree on some things.

I loved you, because you got my humor and you laughed at the most random things that I did.

I loved you, because you let me in and get to know you — your hopes, your dreams, and your fears. You opened up enough to make me feel that I was supposed to be there.

I loved you, because you showed patience and respect.

I loved you, because you loved me. 

I loved you, because I felt warmth in every touch. I recognized understanding when we talked.

I loved you, because you looked at me like I was a hero. You recognized that I was flawed, but you never made me feel like less of a person. Instead, you made me embrace my insecurities — openly, warmly.

These were the reasons why I loved you.

When I looked back at your eyes, I saw your honesty. You were saying goodbye.

But I couldn’t hate you. I guess, I could never hate you.

You hugged me one last time. And I knew this was hard for you too.

You felt my emotions.

You reflected my pain.

I watched you walk away and realized that this is why I loved you. TC mark

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