We have all felt it before. The pain, the agony, the misery of feeling that nothing will ever get better. Everything seems to be at an all-time low because you have been vulnerable, you have loved, and you have just experienced getting your heart broken. No one could have prepared me for my first heart break. Being so deep into a relationship regardless of how toxic it was, we had an undeniably deep bone clenching grasp on one another. We could not let go, but there came a day when she had had enough. That was the beginning of my journey into healing not only the heart, but the mind.
At one point or another, it seems as though the majority of the people experience a wrenching heartache as a result of a relationship. We see this everyday ranging from a high school relationship to a divorce. They all impact and change us as human beings, but the key is how do we go about healing that broken heart? How do we make sure we go down the right path and not resort to external distractions in order not to feel?
1. We must be comfortable with the uncomfortable.
People tend to not want to feel especially when you can feel the weight of your heart and thoughts dragging you down. We consistently want to be distracted and not be in isolation. We choose to listen to music at all times of the day. We choose to be on our phone at all times and would choose that over having a conversation with another human being. Any form of distraction works as long as we do not have to feel what is going on.
People may ask, why is this such a bad thing? As we crave distractions, time passes and we end up not grieving the relationship, but instead engage in the hook up culture, drinking, or ignoring our feelings. We may not think these actions have a significant consequence on us at the moment, but they can come back to haunt us in the future. For example, a common theme I see is someone experience heart break and then mask the emotions and thoughts that come with a breakup. The answer to why people do this is because it is easier. It is easy to become distracted. It is easier to go wild and hook up with multiple partners in order to mask the pain we feel. However, this only comes back to us having wasted our time or never truly understanding how to cope with the situation.
2. Take time to experience your feelings.
We must sit down, ask ourselves why something did not work out, and move forward in order to not make the same mistakes again. In order to do this, we should spend our time grieving even if it takes us down a path of discomfort. Nothing good comes from one’s comfort zone, so learning to be comfortable with the uncomfortable will only enhance our lives. These moments will help us grow as an individual. When you experience your feelings, you get the opportunity to see what was or is happening.
3. Do not be scared of getting help.
I have seen many people, including myself try and be tough during a rough breakup, and we decide that life can be easily lived as if nothing had happened. More often than not, this is not the case. We can spiral into depression, become dependent on other substances, or simply never heal which can cause problems in our future relationships.
I struggled with this because I wanted to be tough and show that nothing could get to me, but it came at me like an avalanche. I missed her so much it made my bones hurt. I knew these things could be a possibility, but it seemed as if it would never end. Whether it be speaking to your closest friend, family, or a psychologist, they can all help. Anyone who is willing to actively listen and simply be there with you throughout those tough moments.
Many people have different ways of coping, but through speaking with people, I have come to see that one should continue with their normal routine, which challenging especially when you feel like there is a hole in your chest and nothing will get better. Take the time to feel and mourn the loss of the relationship, because this will help in making sure the Band-Aid over the wound does not fall off easily and in turn, you will be more prepared for the next relationship you enter.