I Will Always Feel Like An Apology To You

“I’m sorry,” he said, stroking her cheek with the back of his hand,
“I can’t believe I did that.”
“I should have never done it,” he whispers, his nose now pressed into her neck,
“it was never worth it,”
“she was never worth it.”
He smiles for a moment
amazed
that he let it come to this.
He pulls a blanket over them.
“I’ve never been sorrier in my life”
he mutters,
eyes chasing the ceiling fan.
“I hurt the person that meant the most.”
she smiles
and adjusts herself into his arm.
He exhales.
“You don’t need to worry about her anymore,”
he adds
“She’s dead to me now.”
“I’m sorry” he assures her for the final time,
closing his eyes and preparing for whimsical dreams ahead,
“That was the biggest mistake of my life.”

* * *

I lay in bed that night
alone.
and brought the joint to my lips.
wondering
in the still of the night
if i could ever be more
than an apology.