August 4, 2016

13 Signs You’re What’s Known As ‘Selectively Thirsty’

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What is the issue?
"Work" Rihanna
“Work” Rihanna

1. You cannot stand the idea of casual dating. So, you’re just supposed to keep hanging out with people you kind of like? But also meet others? And sort of just keep running around in a permanent limbo while hoping you eventually cross paths with someone who is ACTUALLY awesome? Cool, cool. Just checking.

2. People have accused you of having standards that are “too high” – as if that’s a bad thing.

3. You lose interest in people fairly quickly. That gorgeous babe seemed hot, and then they opened their mouth and said something dumb. *Cue your immediate disinterest* NEXT.

4. However, even though you aren’t often attracted to specific people, this FOR WHATEVER REASON does not numb your sex drive. Which, fun for you, continues in overtime despite not actually liking anyone enough to have sex with them. Your body is suuuuuper fun.

5. Tinder makes you want to die.

6. You spend all of your time swiping and audibly saying, “No. No. Definitely no. Nope. NoooooOoooOo.”

7. Tinder might be one of the few things that does numb your sexual appetite. You’re reminded of what’s out there and you’re like, mmmmm, actually I’m good!

8. For all the times you make jokes about dying alone, you know that, if it were to become a reality, it would basically be your fault. HM, OH WELL ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

9. You’re 99.9% sure your imagination is better at getting you in the mood than the date you’re supposed to have next Friday.

10. You very often just say, “Fuck this. Literally.” And then take care of yourself. God bless your hands. Or whatever else helps you get your Solo Party started.

11. You look forward to sex dreams.

12. Until you get disappointed IN YOUR OWN SEX DREAM.

13. Sexual chemistry is just as important to you as personality compatibility is. Yes, you want to have things in common and good conversation. You always want to orgasm. You won’t settle unless you get both. Because, dammit, life is too short for anything less. TC mark

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