I Will Wake Up Naked Tomorrow

I.

I will wake up naked tomorrow.
My clothes already thrown into a pile on the floor.
I cry myself into a hazy stupor,
I am drunk on what we were
and what we could have been
what ifs are my downfall,
I would not drive in this condition.
falling
again.

you are my downfall
because of how much I still want to uplift
be the cheerleader and sit on the sidelines
calling your name.
I hope you would do the same
but I cannot hope this,
I cannot cry knowing it felt right.
It felt like car rides with Frank Sinatra CDs.
It felt like it was supposed to when I was too afraid
to answer calls
sent them straight to voicemail
sent our love somewhere else.

I do not know much,
but I know I will wake up naked
not because I’ve touched myself
but the idea
of having anything besides you
against my skin feels painful,
feels like a mistake,
like seeing you in a crowd of faces and not being able to tell.
I have forgotten your lips
and how it feels
when we are in bed together.

II.

It is black and blue
a heart should not bruise
but here I am,
with left over wounds.
I want to kiss it and make it better.
I think you do too.

III.

It is the same
with an aching space between
how can it be the same
when everything is so different?

Everything felt beautiful.
Painful.
And like I was finally home.

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