Your Cell Phone Has Rights

In the second form of abuse, the cell phone plays a submissive spouse. It is ignored when it rings, beeping meekly until the user needs it.

Why Sleeping People Are Adorable And Cute Babies Are Edible

One too many movies have one of the romantic leads gazing lovingly at the sleeping partner. And so many advertisements have mothers gazing lovingly and sleeplessly at their offspring. But in my case, it’s chronic and rampant. I love sleeping people. If I were the Prince in the Sleeping Beauty, that bitch would never be waking up. I’d be fluffing her pillow and helping her count sheep.