Thought Catalog
July 6, 2016

Is Sex The Only Thing That Defines A Relationship?

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What is the issue?
 Clem Onojeghuo
Clem Onojeghuo

Is sex all that matters?

Then why find sex rather than love?

Months ago, I met this guy who, at least I thought, is different from the others. Thought he was so pure and sincere. We became really good friends. You know that connection when you just talk about shits and shits of life? No personal and deep commitments, just the fun company of each other. I was, and I am still, so blown away by how random and fascinating he is– the way he talks, the way he thinks, the way he handles his whole life.

It’s so overwhelming to have a friend who seemed to be your alter ego; you could see yourself from another human being. Very similar but barely different. I know we were on the same page, or maybe… I thought we were.

Everything went smooth and fine. He could just call me asking what food he shall bring for their family excursion, or when he was bored feeling tipsy with his friends, or even when a security guard was getting on his nerves, or when he was on his way home from work. He could text me in the middle of the night just to tell that his stomach aches so much, or to ask if I’m busy and eaten my dinner, or ask if I got home safely.

We could just talk about random things, laugh at both corny jokes and nothing feels too mundane. Oh, I used to laugh off his rated 18+ jokes, as well.

“You’ll go with me wherever I want to, okay?”

“What? No.”

Hahahah. Why?”

“I just don’t like. Tell me first where we will go.”

“In a dark place. It’s a surprise.”

“Then, no.

“But why? You know I can do it gently. Hahaha.

He could joke about smutty stuff and because I value our friendship and thought that we were just too close to one another to sometimes bring such topics in between our conversations, I laugh it off. It was not the first or the last; it was only one of those times when he randomly spoke about it. I know, and maybe he knew, that I actually feel uneasy when things like that pop out of nowhere. But we were friends, right? So it’s fine.

Until once, he asked me if we could level up our relationship. I settled him by making a deal that we would only go with the flow– that whatever happens, happens. He agreed though he was kind of, perhaps, disappointed.

We still kept the relationship we used to know. Same way of talking, same corny and nasty jokes– I felt we were still on the same page. But things went complicated when he started wanting me to take his nasty jokes seriously.

After a friendly date, he texted me asking why didn’t I come and join him at a motel to do that thing. I responded as if it was a funny joke. Again.

Days later, I texted him first and reminded him about the movie date we planned. Then, he tried to make a trade– he will treat me a movie then I must agree to have [clears throat] sex with him. As always, I made fun out of it yet talked straightforward as much as I can.

Yes, I finally told him that I never wanted to do it yet. We both pretended that the conversation was as fine as our pasts but it wasn’t. We both talked as if we were still fooling around but we weren’t.

He never texted or called me again after that.

From something to nothing real quick.

Call me boring, modest, traditional or manang in our own language, but people like me still have a space in this world, right?

Can a girl and a boy remain friends without sex? Do guys really make friends just for sex?

I know it is not right to stereotype men but I heard other stories about such boys before and then it hit me so hard knowing it now happened to me. It is not another story I heard but it happened to be an actual experience.

I am the kind of a person who cannot let go easily– from the smallest object in my belongings to biggest person who stepped into my life. I can move on with my life but can’t let go of the memories that easy.

I was still thinking of him and how we used to talk late at night but I couldn’t do anything. I realized I was nothing to him when he once became the focus of my days.

Maybe yes, I started to fall for him until I realized, he was only being a d*ck. TC mark

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