March 1, 2016

Not All Men Are Walking Hormones

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A lot of women are taught that men are pigs. That they want nothing more than sex, and if you don’t put out, they’ll leave. If you’re a woman, I’m sure you’ve had this conversation at least once in your life (probably with your friend’s cool mom, or your “hip” aunt, or someone like that). And the thing is, for the most part, they are absolutely right. The fact is, a lot of men are just in it to get some. But, believe it or not, there are exceptions. And one of them happens to be my boyfriend.

Kyle* and I have been dating for roughly six months and we have not yet had sex; and he’s the one who said no. Before you make any assumptions, let me tell you a bit about our relationship. I’m eighteen, and he’s twenty-one. He’s in college, I’m finishing up my senior year. When we first started seeing each other, because he was older than I was (I was seventeen and he was twenty), I just assumed that he wasn’t a virgin. I mean, he’s a pretty good-looking guy, and belongs to a frat at pretty notorious party school. Also, whenever we made out, he always seemed to know what he was doing.

I’ve never had sex before either, so dating an older guy (three years really isn’t that much, but when you’re still in high school and dating a college dude, it makes a difference) and not knowing if he’s had sex or not intimidated me in a way. After having dated for a solid two months, we got shitfaced in his dorm and he mentioned not being able to do anything because he didn’t have a condom on him. Especially after that, I couldn’t get a clear grasp of his intentions.

Then one day I just blatantly asked him if he was a virgin. I was a bit tipsy and he was driving me home. We were dating for a while and, at this point, I felt comfortable with discussing just about anything with him. He responded with yes. A part of me was a bit surprised, but a part of me kind of knew it all along (he’s a pretty good, old-fashioned Catholic kid). Throughout our relationship, there were numerous times where we could have been so close to having sex, but we never actually went to the next level (he’s seen me buck ass naked before, I’ll tell you that much). So it all made sense to me why he never initiated anything more when I found out that he was a virgin.

About two weeks ago, we were talking on the phone and he said to me, “Looking at our relationship, I just wanna talk to you about something.”

Fuck. Initially, I got inexplicably nervous just because you never know what’s going to come after those words and similar phrases. He started with explaining that he loves spending time with me and it means a lot to him. Nerves went away, crisis averted. He then explained to me that the intimate and personal stuff meant whole lot more to him than the physical, and doesn’t plan on having sex any time soon. It was not awkward by any means, but I wouldn’t necessarily call it the most comfortable conversation in the world. It was the first time we actually discussed sex (or lack of, for that matter). We talked about virginity before, but never the actual deed. He basically told me he simply just wasn’t ready.

I respect the shit out of him. It is OK for man to wait. What he told me isn’t something that all guys have the balls to admit. And, personally, it’s pretty awesome to know that a guy loves me for my true self, not just my goods. So if you meet a really nice guy, give him a try. I recommend doing so with caution because he might turn out to be a hornball, but who knows? You might get lucky and score someone absolutely incredible. I know I did. TC mark

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