6 Crucial Things That Will Make 20-Somethings Feel A Little Less Lost

1. Absolutely no one is in there dream job.

As many times as people will repeat this to you, it’s first on the list for a reason. Really let it resonate with you, because I am currently still on the hunt for a job that even slightly interests me, so you’re not alone. This is me, taking a break in a coffee shop from the job search, to tell you how much the job search sucks. You know why it sucks? Because all of those jobs that sound perfect and ideal to your calling, they need experience. Those experience jobs? They suck. They’re terrible, actually, and the only thing that can potentially make them better is your work environment.

By that, I mean really hope there is someone you can crush on and give you a reason to look somewhat decent before you come into work every day. If you don’t have that, and it’s an entry-level or experience-driven job, you’re shit out of luck. Try something else.

And that’s another thing; don’t get stuck. Don’t think just because you have a job that you have to keep it.

Ideally, you can get another job while you have that job, but even if it means living on a budget for a month or two and taking advantage of every second of every day to find a better job, do that. Do what you need to do, what fits your finances and schedule. Just don’t get stuck, I’m begging you.

There are opportunities. Even if you don’t have a degree, there are opportunities. Sales. Do sales. If you want money and you want experience, sales. Sales, sales, sales. Some people hate sales, but it’s a starter with a good pay. And if you love sales, stay there, and keep the other jobs open for the rest of us. Regardless of what you want to do with your life, don’t settle, don’t stress. Because the chances are you won’t get there until you’re nearing 30, if then. And until then just understand that you’re going to probably be miserable. If you’re under 30 and you’ve landed your dream job, stop reading this now, because you’re clearly in the .007% that this doesn’t apply to. I’m not being negative, I’m being honest, because that’s what we need more of.

2. Relationships are rocky.

Whether it be your friend that you’ve known since grade school or the significant other you’ve been off and on with for a few years now. Everyone around our age is stressing about their own issues, it’s nearly impossible to keep up with the people you care about. However, the people that you truly care about, they know it. And you’ll know it back. Because this wonderful time to be alive enables us to send these things called text messages, and facetime calls, that will truly become revolutionary for those who haven’t caught on just yet. Send them! From experience, this is how I’ve maintained the closest friendships and relationships I have to date. Because, yeah, I spend upwards of 9 hours a day working on finding a job that I love and occasionally typing up one of these life helping stories for all of you, but I can still find the time to send my friend in Nashville a text once or twice a week with an update of my awkward life or a quick “Hi! How was your day?”

Shocking, but it’s not impossible, I promise.

If you want someone to be a part of your life, you have to make an effort, because they’re struggling to keep their head above water as well.

And if they don’t reciprocate, which I’ve had happen numerous times with, unfortunately, very close friends of mine, let it go. It’s toxic. It might’ve not been toxic when you were taking tequila shots at the bar back in college, but it’s toxic now. Because you’re still holding on to that sliver of hope that they’ll come back around to you, and they probably won’t. You know what I said about texts and facetimes? They’re really easy. So if the person on the other end can’t dish it back, throw them out. Don’t be rude or anything, but distance yourself from them and stop wasting your time on someone that doesn’t want to waste theirs on yours. Not that friendship or relationships are a time waster, but they should be give and take. Not take, take, take.

3. You should be single.

I’m not saying be single for 3 years and become the anti-relationship person that everyone starts to hate because you’re cynical and cold, but be single for awhile. Let yourself find yourself, and not depend on someone else, or worry about someone else. Allow yourself a chance to not feel obliged to see someone every day or 3 times a week or whatever it is. Allow yourself to make your own decision on what you want for dinner, since it’s actually impossible for two people to decide on that under 20 minutes anyways. Don’t worry about what you wear on the weekends because you’re not looking for anyone. Go out in a sweatshirt and chuck taylor’s on a Friday night, who cares?!

You’re probably 10 times more comfortable than everyone else and you get to go home whenever you want and get whatever food you want on the way. Your night is about to be great. Don’t compare it to the person who gets to go home with their significant other, because there are perks you get that they don’t. Don’t compare it to those going home with the person they just met, because there are perks you get that they don’t.

The grass is always greener on the other side, and right now, you’re on the other side.

Because you can always be the person going home with their significant other when you find them, or you can be the one going home with the random until you do find them. You’re in charge here, and you have the world at your feet.

So go get drunk, get a 20 pc chicken nugget, and go lay in your bed and watch Parks and Rec until you fall asleep. Wake up whenever you want, and plan your day, according to you. The greatest thing about being single is that you have the rest of your life to be in a relationship, so don’t feel like just because you’re not there now that you never will be. You will, I promise.

4. Romance isn’t hard.

When you do find that person you like, it really shouldn’t be hard. If they’re making it hard, leave, right away. Don’t get stuck. I wonder how many times I can say that. But seriously, it’s not like just because you like this one person that there’s NO ONE else to like, so don’t get all hung up over it. Yeah, they’re really cute and they’re funny and they kind of have their shit together, that’s great, but if they start to make things hard for you, no. Just no. You know how to make it easy? Find someone else.

Find someone that will take time out of their day to text you or FaceTime you, and make an effort to see how you’re doing or feeling. Make sure they show that they care about you, and not just in the fake way, the real way.

I mean really learn about the person, and make sure they want to learn about you, too.

If they live near you, make sure you actually spend time together. I’m not saying every day, or even 5 times a week, or anything excessive. Find what works for the both of you and go with that. You’re not married yet, and if you don’t have any out of this world reason to attach to this person, don’t do it yet. Enjoy their company when it’s there, and go out of your way to remind them that you care. Remember to spend time alone, but the time you spend with them should be just about them. And the days you’re not together, use that great thing I talked about, texting, and use it well.

The best part is that it’s fast so you don’t have to spend 5 hours telling someone how you feel about them or that you care about them. Remember though, actions speak louder than words, so if you say those cute things in a text message you bet your ass you better be showing it when you’re in one another’s presence. Be playful, be adventurous and spontaneous, be kind, be compassionate, and be selfless. If you do like this person, or love them, then they should be a priority in your life. And if they’re a priority, you’ll do everything you can to show them that, whether they’re near or far. Support one another, befriend one another, and remember that you’re shit probably still isn’t all together and neither is theirs, so be patient, and remind yourselves why you wanted it to work out with this person to begin with. If it gets too hard, you’re not stuck.

5. Call your parents.

To the people who tell me that they don’t talk to their parents but once or twice a month, I will never understand you. I call my parents almost every day, and if it’s not a phonecall, it’s a text. Those people are your life. LITERALLY. Like, you wouldn’t be here without them, going through this crazy life, working that crazy job (or not), or anything without them. So, why are you not calling them?

They love to hear from you, I promise. And you should love to hear from them too, because even though their lives might revolve around watching “The Price Is Right” or still ordering from the same restaurant they’ve loved since you were 7, there are still voices on the other end that remind you of who you are.

As you are getting older and trying to figure out what the hell you’re doing, they’re getting older too, and soon enough they’ll be old enough where you find yourself thinking about a life without them.

YEAH, I SAID IT. Because more often than not we are so absorbed in our own chaotic and messy lives that we forget that each day that passes are days that are passing for them, too. Get to know them, and get to know them well. They will always be more important than any friend, or relationship you will ever have. They are your world, and if you are not treating them as such, start. Know enough about them so when your kids grow up you’ll know why they act the way they do. They won’t get everything from you, you know, there are plenty of genes in them that will make you wonder, “Now why the hell are you acting like that?” And this way, you’ll know exactly why. Hopefully, if you’re lucky, your mom or dad will be around to watch these kids, and you’ll be able to have a date night to yourself every once in awhile. Also, your kids will have more loving arms that hold them tight, and that’s always a good thing.

Grandparents are wonderful, and those fortunate enough to still have them around should give them a call as well. Family is forever, literally, no matter how cliche and simple it sounds. These people are your bloodline, so drop what you’re doing after you’re finished reading this and use that really great technology I was talking about. Or, if it’s feasible, do what’s better and go give them a hug. Family is great. This counts for all siblings, too. Stay close to them, because they are your best friends, and your family, and that is the best combination of all.

6. Balance is, literally, everything.

No, not money. Balance. Because here’s what’s important about balance… everything. If you don’t balance your work and your play, will you call off for the 7th time from a hangover? If you don’t balance your food and exercise, will you be shocked when you stop being able to fit in last years shorts? If you don’t balance your finances and your desires, will you ever go on that trip to Australia you’ve been wanting? Do you see the trend, here? If you don’t find a good balance for everything, you’ll have a lot harder of a time trying to figure everything out than if you did. And I’m not saying it’s easy, it’s actually really, really hard.

The thing about balance is that it is physically very difficult, and mentally even more difficult. But, like the physical idea of balance, the more you work towards it, the easier it’ll get.

Practicing anything for a period of time will create a habit, so just make sure that it’s a good one. The worst thing about balance is trying to achieve it, but once you do, you’ll be living a better lifestyle. I mean, hell, I’m still sitting in this coffee shop and it’s been upwards of 6 hours now. I now have to go home and decide if it’s a Netflix and dinner night, or a gym and dinner night. They did just add the new season of Parks and Rec, though… and that Leslie Knope is just such a go-getter.