To My Best Friend Who Broke My Heart

I wish this could be a soppy, “I miss you and hope you’re doing well,” kind of thing, but given the circumstances it isn’t. I also wish that I could still say that you are one of the best friends I’ve ever had, but that is so far from the truth.

Don’t flatter yourself. This is not written out of jealousy because you’re now engaged to my ex-boyfriend, but to wholly thank you for becoming the person in which I am forever grateful for. You see if it weren’t for you being so inconsiderate and thoughtless when I actually cared; I never would have learned that you were a snake in the grass, or that you were toxic at a level I will never be at.

Right before you ever so abruptly ended our friendship for the reasons that have now surfaced, I sent you a Facebook message of an article on things we could do this summer. I didn’t plan on you spending it with my ex-boyfriend. I don’t think anyone would. Because of that, I thought at this point in my life you would still be the one I was coming to with all of my latest drama and accomplishments when I needed your opinion or advice. I thought you’d still be the same best friend I had telling me to leave my ex, and who always reminded me I deserved better. The sister I never had who would always tell me in a heart-to-heart what a great and caring person I was.

Little did I know, you’d be the one to teach me so many things by going after the one person I have ever loved.

But still, I want to say thank you. Thank you for proving that I could never trust you, and that your words meant nothing as a best friend. Because of you I’ve realized that you can’t really trust anyone. You were someone who knew I trusted too easily, and you took advantage of that. Thank you for the lame excuse to end our friendship, which only helped me realize that you’re a coward. Thank you for being so easily influenced by the boy who broke my heart. Thank you for not giving a second thought to hurting me as bad as he did, because I have now learned how to handle things on my own. You weren’t there when I was sad this time, I am from the bottom of my heart beyond thankful for that.

I know it pains you that I am still a little bit in love with your fiancée. I wish I could tell you that you got to me with everything, but what I wish more than anything is that I could laugh in your face. Today, you told me that I need to set standards for myself and that I need to make the pictures last because he doesn’t want me. That may be true, but what is he settling with by being with you? You took the time out of your day to say all of these things to me because he and I happened to see each other, so I hope that you’re aware of your insecurities.

I learned that I don’t care what you think of me, but more importantly what I know about myself. I know that I’m better off in so many ways, and I know that I’m even better by not knowing you. I know that I am someone fully capable of loving from the depths of my soul because I still love the one who broke my heart so many times. I know that I am brave for standing up to you and for myself, even when you try and tear me down.

I am also brave because even though you’ve only had him for four months, it still hurts. Not having him for reasons you will never understand still hurts, but I still get through every day with a smile on my face. I know that losing you as a friend saved me from a lot of future back-stabbing. You saved me from a future friendship with someone I obviously couldn’t trust.

I know that you are going to realize one day what you’ve done, not only to me but to yourself. You have proven yourself to be capable of many of the things people in this world do not deserve to have happen to them. I know that one day when this is the last thing on my mind, I will be with people who know my worth and respect me enough to never put me through what you have. I know now more than ever, that I am forever grateful for the lesson you brought to my life.

They say, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” What you don’t realize is that during the time he was hurting me over and over and you were there…I was strong. You tried to bring me down with your insecurity, and lack of trust in your fiancée. Now I am stronger. Strong enough to let your insults slide right off my shoulders, and strong enough to wait for the karma people like you deserve.