November 18, 2015

I’ve Been A Sugar Baby For Several Years And I Have A Different Take On What It Means To Be One

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Shutterstock / oneinchpunch
Shutterstock / oneinchpunch

I’m a sugar baby. Have been one for several years. Lately I’ve been seeing quite a few stories here from others in my boat. And I must say, most of them are really far from my experience with it. I’m sure they are valid, and maybe even common, but they’re certainly not showing the full picture. I don’t regret my choice, I have never felt demeaned, and I see a need to tell those who are still doubting what a different attitude could lead to. Well, geography might play a role too. I’m in Europe, away from the financial centers, which probably leads to a different breed of sugar daddies too. And also to long-distance arrangements… But the bigger difference – I only date one man at a time. And I am incapable of separating feelings from intimacy.

But let‘s start at the beginning. I‘m in my early-mid 20s, currently studying part-time (STEM), had a career I loved for several years before and never expected to end up in this situation. I just wasn‘t pretty. At least didn‘t feel so. Growing up overweight, mocked and ridiculed left me believing no one will ever want me and no one will ever help me. My family is lower-middle class. We always had food, clothing, and a home, but I knew my parents could only afford to look after themselves. They couldn‘t pay for my education, hobbies, or driving lessons. That’s why I started working part-time while still in high school and developed a nice career working for myself. I even ended up earning more than the national average wage.

At the same time, around 19, I guess my femininity woke up. I started feeling unhappy with being a fat tomboy, and so, I did something with it. I lost the excess weight (I’m still far from skinny, on the upper side of normal BMI), bought my first dress and started putting on makeup. At 20, I met my first boyfriend (and lost my virginity to him). That relationship lasted for a year. After several years, my career became a routine. It stopped bringing the same joy it did, and I decided to move to another country to study. That was a bad decision, as I wasn’t able to find a flexible hour job without knowing the language. My parents couldn‘t support me.

That’s when I found the sugar bowl. It sounded like a possible option. I was never for casual sex — to this day, I haven’t “hooked-up,” and saw this as an opportunity for a semi-relationship with benefits. I like sex, but didn’t want the empty kind. I picked the responses online carefully, only meeting if I was quite sure it could work. It proved to be a good choice. I‘m honestly attracted to older, successful men. My first encounter was positive, but very long-distance (flew to the US) and didn‘t last. The end was somewhat painful — but what end isn’t? I got attached, had to heal. I returned to my home town, but before moving back and deleting my profile, I received an interesting letter. But I decided it wouldn’t work (distance again and racial difference, which I haven‘t encountered before), but what’s the harm in exchanging a few messages? Right?

Few messages turned into daily communication for months, and me falling in love… We never ran out of topics to talk about. We met, and started a serious relationship with some benefits. Unfortunately, distance and his insecurity ended that. We were talking about marriage. This was the most painful break-up I’ve had… Although my first two tries ended with pain, in time I could be glad that I met those great guys. I could recognize the value they brought to my life. I got to know people from a different culture, different social class and learn a lot. Traveled, experienced different thing and still didn’t have a designer hand bag or an iPhone… That just wasn’t and still isn’t something I’d care about. I’ve never slept with two guys in the same period of time. Serial monogamy is what I’m comfortable with, even when it‘s only on my side. I meet someone new only after the previous relationship has ended, and I’ve cried enough about it.

After a few months, I recovered enough to tentatively try again. So I created a new profile. And met someone relatively closer, who wanted a full-time sugar baby for at least a year. I had started my part-time studies, but after a few meetings, moved to his city with the agreement that I’ll be able to travel back for lectures as needed. A great man, interesting and caring, but also kinky. This time the support was higher, and I was closer to luxury. Thankfully, by then I’d learned how to behave in the higher circles and felt as comfortable in a luxurious restaurants and best hotels as I am when camping in the wilderness. Meeting for extended hours almost daily led to both developing a great relationship based on friendship, too. Unfortunately, our love of kink didn’t match that well and after about half a year, intimacy was gone from the arrangement, leaving everything else intact. I wasn’t the only SB there, so he continued to support me for companionship and a few tasks, hiring someone for which would be much cheaper for him. I know he cares about me and wishes me happiness, as he probably always will. I earned a true friend and a worry-free year, with his full support. I used it for self-development, and believe that I am a better person after it. Also, when the relationship went platonic, we agreed that I will look for someone else too. A girl has needs… Took a while, but I did find someone.

I went back to my home town already having another sugar daddy. Again a wonderful man, having started with an arrangement we’ve developed mutual feelings. He wants to meet my parents soon and we both know it’s moving towards something more. I love him. While it might not work out, I know I won’t regret it. And it just could work… While an older, wealthy husband was never my goal, if the feelings are real, why would you fight it? I guess I’m a romantic.

For me, sex has to have some meaning, that’s why I never met with married men or those who clearly only cared about sex. I’ve also never hooked up in a club etc. I’m not a pretty, doll-like girl. While I have a proportionate figure and a nice face, I don’t attract those looking for arm candy. Maybe it’s a good thing, I develop deeper relationships through arrangements without really meaning to. I’ve never felt used or demeaned in any way. While I’ve had sex before true feelings got involved, I’ve always waited until I felt we have connected intellectually, that the guy appreciates who I am at least as much as how I look. And there was genuine attraction and arousal on my end. Money was never more important than this. My self-confidence and self-respect have only gone up. Knowing that I am attractive to successful men is a wonderful feeling, especially when my mind is what’s most important. There are many better bodies out there available to them.

I also got hurt quite a bit when it ended with each man. I just believe it was still worth it, same as with normal relationships. I don’t regret anything, because each experience had made me better in some way. Maybe through the experiences I was introduced to, maybe through finding out something about myself and working on it. But I’m very careful and very picky. I’m sure that girls with a different attitude to this get hurt and even damaged. It’s a tricky choice, the slippery slope is never far away. It’s easy to get hooked on the money and get burned, I’m also risking.

But I wanted to show the more positive side sugar arrangements can have, if you are careful and if it fits you. If you’re thinking about it but aren’t attracted to older guys or money is the only thing you care about right now… Please don’t. One date is enough to not look at yourself the same ever again. It’s a tough choice. But it does work for some. I’m not ashamed of what I do, my friends and family know. While they were deeply worried at first, by now they trust my judgment. And I am happy with how it’s turning out. I don’t know if an arrangement will lead to the rest of my life, but I know I’ll be glad I did this either way. TC mark

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