5 Reasons Millennials Won’t Live Past The Age Of 40

By

1. Prescription pills

The classic “It’s prescribed, so it’s okay,” excuse. Who needs street drugs when you can get a script that allows you to abuse drugs? And although I do agree that some people do benefit from some of these medications, some of us just try to get high and avoid our real issues. Got a 12-page paper? Adderall. Anxious after a breakup? Xanax. A little muscle ache? Oxys. Walked around too much at work today? Kpins. It’s ridiculous! We’re definitely dying off already thanks to the painkiller epidemic, and there is no doubt in my mind that if an overdose doesn’t kill, the long term effects of abusing these pills will definitely shorten our lifespan.

2. Our unhealthy obsession with social media

If a millennial’s office building were on fire, there is no doubt that he/she would risk his/her life for the perfect picture of the fire to post on instagram…or they may even hesitate in escaping the building in order to tweet something as stupid as, “fire at work, lol!”

Deaths caused by absolute stupidity will become more and more popular.

3. Depression caused by Facebook

Back in the day “keeping up with the Joneses” meant you were defined by your house, front lawn, and car, therefore, you had to do everything in your power to keep up with your neighbors in order to prove to yourself and everyone else, that you were successful. You didn’t have to constantly prove that absolutely every aspect of your life was incredibly awesome, ALL the time. Now, if you don’t post a selfie of yourself smiling/looking ridiculously happy and content with life, or a picture of you doing something really fun, you become overwhelmed with the fear that people will assume something is wrong with you and that you are failing at life. Everyone uses Facebook and social media to show off who has the better life; so if a millennial is really failing at life, all this just adds to the depression…And it’s no secret that depression and stress kill…

4. Phone addiction

We become so consumed with our phones that we are at risk for many accidents; whether they may be texting while driving, getting hit by a car while walking and texting, or falling into a manhole in NYC because we weren’t looking. We just can’t look away and we are more prone to stupid accidents.

5. Narcissism

We are so incredibly obsessed with ourselves that there is no doubt that, combined with our phone obsessions, our narcissism could kill us. I can very easily picture an attractive 20-something woman walking and texting, dropping her phone near a lake…and becoming so enthralled by her own reflection that she reaches for it… and drowns.

featured image – Flickr / Brett Jordan