September 11, 2013

I Think My Grandfather Molested Me As A Child, But I Can’t Tell My Family Because They Won’t Believe Me (Please Help)

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This is the hardest thing I have ever had to write. I don’t even know if it really happened because I was so young and as a kid I didn’t even think about it. I had a bad childhood but if this is true it’ll be the tip of the iceberg. I should start from the beginning. I was five years old and I would hear my parents have sex a lot. At the time I had no idea what it was, I thought it was a game or something. But I used to go to my great grandparents house a lot and I think my great grandfather may have had me do some things with him. No touching, no kissing, and I could be wrong. My memory is so lost from that time. I don’t even want to say the words of what might have happened, though it could qualify as molesting if I did ever say it outloud, which I have never done. This didn’t hit me until I was a teenager when my aunt came forward and admitted that my great grandfather may have touched her as a child once. No one believed her, they called her a drunk. My mom said she didn’t want to know the truth, and called her a liar. She said that my aunt just liked drama and wanted attention. It was never mentioned again after that, we don’t talk about it.

When my aunt admitted that it made me think about things I didn’t want to think about. I have no idea if my memory deceives me or not which is why I didn’t say anything when my aunt did, I don’t want to be called a liar and I don’t want to be a liar. I tried telling my best friend who just sort of ignored me at the time, because she didn’t understand. I hate not knowing and I feel almost guilty for thinking about it because if it is not true what kind of person am I? If it is true, what would I do? My great grandfather did not do anything after that, and I have been up at that house so many times and I love him very much despite my shady memories. But it’s always there, that feeling of what if when I see him. He is always kind to me when he sees me, and he never criticizes anything I do really. He is nice to me and a sweet old guy, so it’s hard to think this could be true and I hope it isn’t.

I can never say anything to anyone in my family, because they would just accuse me of lying. Especially now with him dying (he has a liver problem from being an alcoholic.) I mean if I am remembering everything wrong, does it really matter? I told my girlfriend last night. She was helpful because she has been in similar situations. She held me as I cried and then we had beautiful and emotional sex. I still feel like shit though for saying anything. Please help… TC mark

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