Thought Catalog
May 10, 2013

Here’s The Thing, ‘Time’ Magazine: An Opinion Letter From A Millennial

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Dear Time Magazine/Joel Stein,

“Millennials Are Lazy, Entitled Narcissists Who Still Live With Their Parents”

Let’s talk about the Millennial generation — we got screwed. 20-somethings had no part in creating this unholy fiscal disaster from which 40-somethings are now trying to detract attention. I was taking notes in ECON 102 while all this was going down. Milliennials are buried beyond all recognition in student loan debt (Bright side: thanks to college I do understand basic economics and also- basic french and badminton. All the useful knowledge is mine). Who even knows what the deal is with health care, and LOL. wut. retirement? (That’s how I talk, I am a Millennial after all)

Call us entitled, but who was it that was buying all those houses again? (I know, that’s kinda awkward.) I’m not saying we are a totally victimized generation- given today’s technologies we have a lot of new opportunities. What I am saying is that you guys aren’t a walk in the park yourselves. Every generation has their pros and cons- as pointed out by The Atlantic, every generation is the “Me” generation. Don’t be so fast to condemn today’s newly minted adults. What is that saying… something about throwing stones in glass houses?

Maybe condemn isn’t the word. Stein posted a video accompanying the article that outlines a day in the life of a typical Millennial… condemn via mockery perhaps. More than frustration I feel bewilderment watching Stein. I don’t know who wakes up, puts on a t-shirt, sends 30 texts to their friends, and then proceeds to get naked/flex for selfies and sext, but it is not I. Guys, am I living wrong?

To bring this back around to the bigger issues: Why do we (some of us anyway) “still live with our parents”? And should we feel bad about it?

As an accountant I make decent money and  I don’t know what other career I could have more boringly chosen for the sake of stability. I make a 2 hour trek from my parent’s house in Central NJ to NYC 5 days a week because it doesn’t make sense for me to move out saddled with debt. I suppose if my parents and I get to the point where we have Stockholm Syndrome from my overstayed welcome then I’ll have to bite the bullet. But I’m not alone in making necessary adjustments because of student loan debt. 

I finished college in December 2008. My parents wonderfully paid for my undergrad (thanks, yo!) But I foot the bill for my masters degree. Had I found work directly out of college I would have waited until I got a job that paid for further education (which I now have… life just works like that). In 2009 I couldn’t even find a babysitting job, so I don’t regret it given my circumstances.

From http://whatshouldwecallme.tumblr.com
http://ozwars.webs.com/wizard-of-oz%20hologram.jpg

Until the day when I am no longer shackled to Sallie Mae, I will picture the institution to be something like the great and powerful Oz. I do have some ideas of how to help deal with my student loans:

  • Craft an invisibility cloak, pretend I’ve died and go off the grid. My parents can then pay off my loans with my life insurance money… which I get through my JOB.
  • Actually die
  • Facebook has decided that my ripe fertile eggs are marketable for up to $10k. But I don’t want lots of mini Jessicas running around. Maybe I can sell my hair or something? Is hair marketable?
  • Learn underwater basket weaving and sell on Etsy. My store will be called “Buy My Expensive Baskets”
  • Participate in medical trials. This I might sell my eggs for?
  • Christmas Tree farming, probably in my parents backyard. I’ll create a kickstarter campaign to buy tree seeds.
  • Create a kickstarter campaign to pay off my student loans.
  • Literally live with my parents for the. rest. of. time.

I’m still working out the details.

I’m driving down to Virginia after work to see my little brother graduate from college. I’m excited but also nervous for the class that’s about to turn their tassels. All I can say is: Millennials, we’re in this together, lets stick up for ourselves, stay somewhat positive in face of $1000/month payments and untangle this mess.

Sincerely,

Chasing paper til I die

P.S. Despite being the shining pinnacle of hope that she is — Kim Kardashian does not represent us. (Please let that be true?) TC mark

image – Shutterstock