October 11, 2016

Please Don’t Waste My Time

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Please don’t waste my time. Don’t give me sweet talk and flirty text messages, if the words don’t really mean anything to you. Because I will inhale your words like a fresh breath of air, suck it deep into my lungs and far into the innermost chamber of my heart where I will keep it sacred. I will tell my friends about the way you perfectly pair one letter with the other to create the sentences I’ve been waiting to hear. I will read and reread your writing until I know it by heart, only so that I can repeat every syllable every night in my dreams.

So please don’t meet up with me if you are planning on vanishing. Don’t use me as your personal test-run to see if you are ready to move on with someone else. Did you ever think about the fact that I might actually enjoy and get used to your company? Which means you will leave a hole of loneliness inside me when you decide to leave. A feeling of emptiness inside a body which was perfectly whole before it met you.

So don’t you dare to place your lips on mine, if those lips are also going to be the ones saying a final goodbye just when I had gotten used to them being around. Don’t give me that sweet taste of passion, if in your mind it is not me you are passionate about. Because the taste of your boozy breathe will haunt me. My addiction will not become alcohol or nicotine, but the way vodka and cigarettes somehow blends perfectly on your tongue. If you leave me I will spend my time searching for that bittersweet blend in everyone else’s mouth. I will look for it long down their throats and underneath their clothes, even though deep down I will know no one else can compare to you.

So I just want to know why you would tell me you were ready to love again if you were really not? Why would you sugarcoat it by saying we just need to “take things slow”, if actually you never really imagined us to reach a future together at all? You knew I would take your wish as my command. With you I walked so slowly that it felt as though the world was moving and I was no longer a part of it. Don’t you realise that I would spend one year walking one lousy meter, if only that meant I would spend that year by your side? But instead it now feels as though you told me to take my time only so that you could run to the finish line as a winner without me, and I would have to accept that once again I had lost.

All I am trying to say here is; don’t give me false hope. Be honest with me, because God knows I can take it. If you like me then tell me, and if you don’t then tell me that. Don’t give me vague replies and mixed signals. Don’t ignore my question when I am looking for clarity. Give me truth and nothing but the truth. I don’t expect you to know if this is love yet, but I also don’t want to spend time on something you clearly don’t see a future in. I might be young and ready to try and fail, but I do not want to get my hopes up just so that my heart can be broken again. If you don’t want me, then tell me. Just please don’t waste my time. TC mark

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