Thought Catalog
May 12, 2017

How To Forget Them, Even When You’re Desperate For Closure

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What is the issue?
Jeremy Bishop

There’s nothing I can do, there’s nothing left to do but let time heal the cuts. I have been left bruised but that’s okay, I am not broken. My feelings have taken a back seat and emotional energy went downhill in the past. People like me invest too much in the one we love and that is where we go wrong.

We bare our soul open only for them to dig deeper into our cuts, leaving us to lick our wounds.

I have bore misery out of love, but I have also learned my greatest lessons out of men who fled the relationship at the slightest rain. There is no perfect one, it is us who idealize relationships and give them the power to hurt us.

Relationships have taught me to be stronger and wiser. Experience does that to you. Just when you thought you have seen the worst, there awaits another disaster to fall on you, which eats you alive in the end. But you know you have to survive the storm. If crawling is all you can do, then start crawling.

Accept the fate and expect the worst so that nothing can break you later. Believe everyone but trust nobody, because that can kill you. When your trust breaks, everything comes crumbling down and every minute seems like it takes an hour to pass.

Breakups are terrible but being put in a situation where you don’t know whether you need to wait or move on is the hardest. We wait for that one closure that we will probably never get. There are people out there who would do anything to avoid any endings and cut you off without a warning. And then you can do nothing but analyze the intensity of their actions. One minute, they had you on a pedestal, and the next, they could not care any less.

And you are left on your own, miserable and pathetic. To the world, you may be the strong woman that they admire but for one man, you lose it all. You start questioning your own state of mind and how you let yourself to be in that position. For days, you look for answers that you will never get, because the answers have all gone with the man who will never be back.

But you know you have to stop looking for closure. You know you have to accept things as they are ,and no matter how unfair it seems, you cannot alter it.

Endings can be messy but at least you have the satisfaction of knowing it ended. But not knowing why they cut you off without even a goodbye can be painful. You deserved closure. Everyone deserves closure, but very few will have the courage to be honest.

There’s no point in keeping a grudge because it can mentally destroy you. Learn to be thankful that you instead noticed it and were saved from a toxic relationship that could have gotten worse later on. If a man can’t stand up to you for his actions then do you even see a future with him?

You need to stop blaming yourself for the way things turned out. Remember, you were honest and that is why they couldn’t face you. Things could have ended on a more bitter note but fate saved you.

You cannot change others’ behavior or their course of action. The more you start to wonder about the reasons, the more you affect your own wellness. And that is unfair. Focus on your course of action from there and learn to move on one day at a time.

Time may not heal everything; it cannot compensate your loss but it will make you see things as they are. It will make you stronger and it will make you heal. I have learned the hard way that life has an odd way if working things out in the end, and people who hurt you intentionally will also go through the same one day. Everything has a price and so do your tears. Nobody escapes the hands of karma, let karma take care of them.

Do not wait for closure, for there will be none. It is you who has to seal that hope of closure. Forget them and focus on yourself. TC mark