I understand the situation where you’re in a room full of people and you feel out of place, you feel disconnected, you feel uncomfortable. You find it hard to connect to someone on a deeper level because some people prefer small talks – but you don’t like short conversations. You want more than “Hi” and “Hello.” You want more than nods and tight smiles.
It frustrates you when you’re in the middle of a big crowd and you’re unable to find someone you can feel connected with. Someone who’s going to save you from a dull night. Someone you can call as a friend afterwards.
Sometimes you try your best to make the first move and introduce yourself to another person, but something inside of you is holding you back. Maybe because you’re frightened that you’re going to get rejected.
You’re worried that someone is going to find you interesting only in the beginning, then eventually gives excuses to slip out of a conversation with you. You’re scared that in the end, you’re going to come off as the person who talks too much, the person who’s boring, the person who’s just not cool enough to be kept around.
So you sit out there, sipping something in your glass, observing everyone’s gestures around you, wondering who’s telling the truth and who’s just bragging about his or her life.
You stand still in a room when everyone’s moving, talking, chuckling, lying, drinking, laughing, dancing, walking pass by you. And you wonder why are you even there in the first place.
You wonder why it’s so hard for you to fit in. You wonder why people ask questions but never really listen to the answers. You wonder why, sometimes, people only gravitate towards you because they need something from you, something that’s beneficial to them, something that they can use for their advantage. You wonder if they would still talk to you when you have nothing to offer them.
But maybe the reason why you don’t fit in is because you’re not really supposed to fit in. Maybe it’s not your fault that you get stuck at a bad place, or situation. Maybe the people you coincidentally share the room with do not align with the way you think, the way you live, the way you see the world.
And just because you’re different doesn’t mean you’re the least important person in the world. Just because you choose to be different doesn’t mean you’re going to be less successful in the future.
There is nothing wrong to deviate from the traditional way of achieving things. There is no reason to feel guilty if you choose not to associate with anyone who can’t accept you for who you are. There is no point to stay in a place that suffocates you. A place that limits your potential, and encourages you to change your identity.
There is a world out there that is going to embrace your uniqueness, and welcome you with a big, open arms. There is a tribe full of weird, incredible, creative, amazing creatures, that are waiting for you, to come and join them.
There is an army of people who share the same beliefs that you have, and fight the same way that you do. There is a part on this earth where you can fit right in. A place where you can be yourself all the time. A place that is happy to have you around.
You just have to continually search for the people who understand your soul, and a place where your heart can feel at home.