Thought Catalog
April 12, 2017

This Is What I Want To Tell You, Now That You’re Gone

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God & Man

I met you during a time where I was about to surrender my arms in the air and give up in life. You came into my life right exactly when I needed someone to pull me out of my misery. You were the hero that saved my day, the light that I found in the dark, the answer to my whys.

You understood me the way people didn’t, the way the world didn’t. I was a huge mess and you had all the opportunity to leave, but you stayed.

You fought with me. You fought for me.

And I fell in love with you faster than I expected. I never imagined I’d let my guard down that easy. I never thought I’d be foolishly in love. But there was something in you that was so hard to resist. There was something in the way you listened empathetically that made me want to open up more.

Your presence made me so comfortable that, in a weird way, I felt like I was home in a stranger’s arms.

I knew that you would be more than a friend to me, and I’d do everything to be more than a friend to you. I was glad to know that we were on the same page. And I felt the happiest in my life, knowing that every time I looked at you, I immediately felt safe.

I immediately felt love.

We made mundane activities special. We both saw the world through the same lenses. We laughed at the same odd jokes. We never considered our differences as hurdles to our sweet, little love affair.

But the universe was against us. It didn’t want our story to go on, maybe because it was becoming too real, too good, too big. Maybe we were only supposed to collide as strangers, with no special feelings, with no deep emotions for each other.

I know that you’re completely out of my life now, for good. I know that we have a slim to none chance of seeing each other, reconnecting with each other, and attempting to bring back our past.

But I just want you to know that I never loved anyone the way I loved you.

Somewhere in the middle of our relationship, while I watched you talk sensibly about a topic you were passionate about, I declared to myself that I found the one I would settle down with. I was so damn confident I could survive any problem life would throw at me because I had you to inspire me.

I had you to give me enough reason to live the next day.

You were the lighthouse in my isolated island. You were the stars that guided me in the middle of the night when I couldn’t find my way home. You were my rainbow and my light at the end of the tunnel. You were my best friend, my confidante, my one and only, my everything.

And it sucks now that you’re gone.

I hate to admit that I depended so much on you. But I did, because the truth is, I’m not that strong all the time. Sometimes I also need help. I need someone to help me steady when I’m scared, when my knees are trembling.

But now that I’m left on my own, now that you’re far away from me, I have to rely on my strength. I need to be my own savior. I need to be capable, to be confident, to be independent. I need to calm myself through any type of storm.

But your love taught me how to be strong. Your love showed me how to persist against all odds. Your love inspired me to keep fighting, and to never give up, no matter how hopeless my situation is.

Your love allowed me to believe in myself more.

And I know that once you’ve learned how self-sufficient I am, it’s going to bring a smile on your lips. I know that once you’ve seen my progress, even without your guidance, you’re going to be so proud of the person that I’ve become. TC mark