I just recently finished watching 13 Reasons Why and I can’t say enough about it. I think I’m gonna obsess over it for days. 13 Reasons Why is something really close to my heart. On my 18th birthday, a friend of mine gave me the novel as a gift. It was and is still very precious to me because it made me change the way I look at some things.
When I first read it, it definitely gave me the chills. I was reading it during the night and it felt like I was reading some horror because it made me feel a lot of emotions that I haven’t felt before. I was scared and anxious the whole time I was reading it. I mean suicide is a very sensitive topic and an important one, and having to read the book really changed me.
It was close to my heart because I’ve done things to hurt myself. It sounds cowardly and weak, but I actually almost hurt myself. Back in high school, I had one of the most depressing times of my life. You know when you’re still a teenager and something happened that it really broke your heart, it feels like it’s gonna hurt forever. That’s what it felt like. And I almost did something so stupid to myself just because I was in so much pain.
Now that 13 Reasons Why is made into a series, it changed my life even more. It brought the story to life. Reading a book and watching a show are two different things and it gives you different feelings. When you read a book, you imagine the scenarios in your head from the book. But when you watch, you don’t have to imagine because they made the imagining done for you, they brought it to life. And watching 13 Reasons Why is really something that I couldn’t really describe.
From the first episode I was already hooked. It also gave me the chills and the creeps. I fell in love with it ever since the first episode. I love everything about it. It is not the kind of series you watch to have fun. It is the kind that you watch to feel. It is about a very sensitive topic and it might trigger you to feel uncomfortable feelings. To be honest, it’s depressing and sad. But it tells you the truth, it gives you a glimpse of what it’s like to be a girl in high school being tormented by people who barely know her and make her feel like a useless being.
Sometimes I feel like I’m Hannah Baker. Especially when she said that everything hurt and she felt lost and empty and she just wanted everything to stop. I think all of us at least had a period in our lives when everything was just too much and you felt like the pain was going to last forever and you just wanted to make it stop and go away. Most of us are silent, while some of us aren’t. And in my case, I was never silent about my pain. But I never talk about with the people who need to know. I talk about it with strangers, with the people who spare some of their time reading my writings. But still, I’m no different. I’m still scared to say the things that matter, to say that sometimes I feel like shit and I need help.
Watching the last episode where Hannah Baker slit her wrists broke my fucking heart. I could barely watch it. I almost threw up. It hurt to watch. To know that there are people who do hurt themselves because they feel like it’s the only option to feel better. I felt guilty. I almost did something similar to that. It is not something to be proud of but it is also not something to be ashamed of. We are human. We hurt and we do things that we think will help us stop hurting. But still, we make mistakes. We do things we shouldn’t do. That’s just how we are.
You will really never know what a person is going through. They might tell you they’re okay but it’s just a facade. I know we’re all imperfect and it is inevitable to hurt and be hurt, but I hope we learn to really care about each other. To actually think how our words and actions can affect other people’s lives. Because you will never know how much impact everything that we say and do have to the people we interact with. If only we could treat everyone with respect and kindness, no matter the circumstances, no matter the differences.
But I know before that all happens, it should start with me. It should start with me treating myself with love and respect and kindness. It takes time and courage and heart to treat people with how much we want ourselves to be treated. Let’s start it with ourselves. Let’s try to be open, to communicate no matter how hard. Let’s be there to help each other out.
There’s so much I want to say but really, 13 Reasons Why changed my life. I hope it changes yours too.