Thought Catalog
April 12, 2017

5 Ways To Identify An Emotional Bully In Your Personal Relationships

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What is the issue?
Jorge Flores

They call you “crazy,” tell you that you’re too much of an over-thinker. You can’t seem to understand where they’re coming from with all their allegations as all you ever truly want is to be fully understood and heard. Yes, you speak your mind. And yes, you call them out on their crap every so often. This does not give them—friend, lover or family member—the right to condemn your thoughts and opinions. Besides, they say what they want to say all the time, any place. You deserve that same right and freedom of expression.

Here are five signs that let you know you’re dealing with an emotional bully:

1. They are highly defensive. Everything’s an argument.

As soon as a word leaves your lips, they get combative and try to tear down any and all forms of logic you may exemplify.

2. They judge without the expectation or the desire of being judged in return.

You’re so easily “crazy,” “insecure,” “over-thinking,” just as long as they say so. To them, their word is gospel. You cannot tell them otherwise. Try turning the tables by calling them one of the many things that they call you, and watch their attitude shift for the worst.

3. They play up on your insecurities without ever confronting their own.

They know all or most of your insecurities because you trusted them enough to confide in them. You didn’t intend for your flaws to be used as evidence in a line of defense for their character, but they know just how to manipulate any situation in favor of themselves. They don’t mind poking at your most vulnerable spots in order to win.

4. You are always to blame. They lack accountability.

They reek of immaturity, and responsibility is just not their style. It is difficult to hold an efficient conversation when it comes to your pain, especially pain that they’ve caused you. In this instance, you may consider suffering in silence as it seems they’ll never understand, but keep your stance. Don’t hold it in for the sake of saving them. Save you. Let it out.

5. They lack proper listening skills and/or just don’t care about what it is you must say.

Conversations seem to be one-sided when it’s you who’s pleading a case. They refuse to acknowledge the validity in your statements. Yet, whenever it’s their turn to explain something, the diatribe is unending.

This just in: You’re not crazy, and being analytical is a gift that should be praised, never looked down upon. Continue to speak your mind. Use your words wisely and take notice of who refuses to let your opinions matter as much as theirs do. Don’t allow people to bully your emotions. TC mark