Thought Catalog
May 6, 2014

5 Advices Every Insecure Girl Has To Give To Another Insecure Girl

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Yes, you’re the kind of girl who never said no. You’re the adventurous type whose goal is to attain more personal experiences than a bigger bank account. You’re down-to-earth, classy, independent and assertive. Your friends look to you for advice about earthly living– mostly about issues with the heart.

What do you know, right? I mean, you’ve always been afraid of dating yourself. You were an insecure girl once–maybe you will always be. All those scenes you’ve seen in cheesy rom coms are highly descriptive of what you’ve been through, if not accurate. You’ve been tumbling down the rocky road of uncertainty since you hit puberty. You’ve been insecure way before you figured out that hair grows everywhere on your body and that you have to make an effort in controlling where and how they should be growing. You have ran 20kms per week on that treadmill after downing a quarter pounder in the middle of the night (maybe on most nights, too!)  You’re heavier than most girls and who isn’t? Oh yeah, the daughters of Aphrodite who could just eat anything and not gain a single pound. But hey, you’re a girl who knows what she likes and doesn’t give a damn about flawed norms of standardized beauty.

You have to be honest it took you a while to be comfortable in your own skin–sweatpants on or not. When someone calls you up for relationship advice your brain suddenly accesses that area where you keep your mental dating diary. All you ever really have are memories of immature and conceited jerks that you’ve once acquainted yourself to. You repeat the stories over and over, realizing what horrible mistakes you’ve made and how strong you have become and that serves as inspiration to the unfortunate others. You have to hand it to yourself, despite all that you’ve been through you have managed to compose yourself in such a way that your friends saw you as a pillar of hope. It’s almost like you’ve turned into some relationship prophet because you’ve finally awakened at the fact that anything less than a fairytale can be beautiful either way.

And if you were to write a letter for other girls it would be something like this:

Dear Other Insecure Girls,

Being the ever cynic and insecure, I have devised 5 pieces of advices I’ve learned thus far that might be able to help you:

1. Date all the assholes who have ever asked you out.

I had been there. I had been thrown out, spat at and full-on rejected by the opposite sex despite my efforts of looking pretty and desirable. I have dated all the assholes this world has come to know. I have been exposed to the arrogant, egotistical, hormone-driven, immature bastards and that’s okay! At this stage in my dating life, I did not know yet what I want and neither do you. This is why I highly urge you to date all these types of men because even if I write a 500-page essay about how ugly it once was, that will not compare to first-hand experience. Just say yes, date the ones you never even considered dating at all. Forget all your idealism and lady standards. Just go out there and date as much assholes as you can. For once, be curious but not stupid. Try it and extract all the possible learning that you can about what you actually like. You cannot create your standards without immersing yourself into the dating world. If you think Prince Charming is just going to come out from the clouds on a flying white horse and sweep you off your feet, well you’re delusional. Go out there, date real men with real issues so you’d have a better understanding of what you really want in a partner.

2. Have your heart broken multiple times.

Yes, it’s inevitable anyway. They’re going to come and go because they will never be a perfect partner for you. They’ll try to get into your pants and you don’t want to be a sex object so you’re going to say no. That’s right say no, get your heart broken not your hymen, especially if you’re not into that yet. You’re going to get your heart broken and that’s a good thing because you stay true to who you are as a woman. You’re learning and getting your heart broken is part of the process. It’s necessary and inevitable so just accept it and continue moving on from one asshole to another.

Keep trying to invest in the person you’re dating sincerely because eventually, you’re going to learn that you’re not in love with him, you’re in love with the concept of falling in love. You’re eventually going to learn the reasons why you emotionally invested in him in the first place and it’s not going to be pretty. Your reasons may vary from, “Because he gives me everything I want.” “He controls me. I like that.” or worse, “He’ll change for me because he loves me. I will never leave him.” Yikes. Sweetheart, he’s not a bank, he’s not your father and neither is he ever going to change his ways because you’re a lovely princess. You will later on realize what type of investment you’ve made on him and you’re going to learn how to deal your cards better the next time. You’re going to cry after a break up, you’re going to gain a few more pounds and you’re going to rant to all your friends over and over. That’s okay, that’s fine. It’s all part of it. It’s often hard to distinguish a broken heart from a dented pride and that is why I urge you to keep pushing on with your complicated life. Push forth with complications until there’s no other choice but to make simpler and smarter decisions. Sometimes to get to Smartville you have to first travel the yellow brick road of stupidity. Harsh? I know right!

3. Read all the relationship self-help books and articles you can find.

Read all that relationship stuff you can find on the internet and in bookstores. Read all unnecessary guidelines as you are reading this one until it makes you feel better. But truth be told, these self-help materials contain no magic that can transform you into a better lover. That’s a fact. These good reads can only do so much for you. You’re reading this now not because I want you to follow these guidelines but because I want you to understand that pure confidence in taking on the dating life can be done by any one. No one can take life and write them down in bullets for you, cupcake. You’re going to have to put your lazy ass out there and make life happen. On that note, you should continue reading this– it might help you gain a more positive perspective about yourself which is more rewarding than reading “Dating for Dummies” or something equally retarded. Read all the stuff you can find because people who write these things have probably been through what you’re going through right now in a similar way so it should make you feel like you belong to some virtual crowd. That can be your start at being more confident and strong.

4. Tinker yourself back together.

Ah yes, you’re broken inside. You’re so hopeless! The world has successfully caved in on you and you’ve successfully ruined your life because of the consistently bad dating decisions you’ve made. You’ve temporarily become a man-hater. You’re actually considering same-sex relationships right now because of it. Nothing wrong with that, go ahead and explore your gender roles. But you know what? Getting your heart broken is the easy part, don’t stop now! Despite your sorrows, you have no idea how successful you just have become. You are a beautiful mess. Now, the smart thing to do is to tinker yourself back together (and add a little prayer here, too) because well, there’s really no other choice but to. You should have learned your lessons by now. If not, something’s terribly wrong with your coping mechanism. Regroup all those tiny parcels and bits of yourself. Complete who you are and rekindle all the interests you seem to have lost in the process. Be pretty and desirable in your own terms, be your own little light. Get back on track.  Re-establish yourself, patch up with your past and move the heck on.

5. Birds with the same feather flock together.

Grab your favorite lip gloss girl ‘coz you’re on a roll! Sure, your insecurities will continue to take a peek from that little corner of your mind where you’ve put it but it is no longer as potent as it was. You’re done pulling yourself together and recollecting the lessons you’ve learned. The process took you a while and that’s exactly what you needed. You didn’t even notice how long the process took because you’re contented at being your independent self. You’re still imperfect and you’re proud of it because that’s what being a woman is all about. In the course of this enlightenment, someone better will come along not because it’s destiny nor fate but because your mind has been conditioned to attract the type of personality that you have worked so hard to become. It will finally attract the one person you’ve so longed for. He will not be perfect. He will not be your usual type but he will be the man you deserve and who deserves you. How do I know? Because now you know what you want based on experience. You’re going to be excited because you’ll get exactly what you want out of the new relationship since he understands that you place high regard on your values and beliefs. He’s the type of man who respects you for your decisions and dislikes. Now you know very well of your own intentions and will finally be able to give yourself fully and confidently.

Well chica, you’ve finally caught the big fish–congratulations!

Love,
Another Insecure Girl TC mark

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