I have always romanticized love and its beauty. As a kid growing up with the most hospitable people on earth, I felt love from the people around me. But I never knew the cost of loving someone. The cost of the words, “I love you” when you say it to a person. The cost of the goodnight texts and the “goodbye, take care.” I thought that they were just words and it won’t mean a thing to anybody but, I was wrong.
So for the girl I loved but was never meant to stay with, I’m sorry. You knew me very well. I made you fall for me through my words. Through the poems I made about how beautiful you are. My teacher told me once that I really know how to lay it on thick and play with people’s minds with my sentences. Growing up with mostly girls in the house made me understand them better so maybe that’s why.
My words were my ace cards but they were also my trap cards.
My promising promises that I never fulfilled. My sincere apologies for the mistakes I committed again and again. My “I love you so much” that wasn’t enough.
My “Take care, goodbye” that I never really meant. My words made me rise, but I didn’t know they were my downfall at the end. Maybe today you think it’s cute and sweet, but later on you’ll see how much of a jerk I was for saying such words and never living up to it.
Mother Teresa once said that real love must empty us of ourselves, but up to this day I’m still full of myself. Maybe loving you isn’t as real as I made it look. Maybe I ruined your concept of love and maybe I ruined you. My apologies will never be enough but please, try to forgive me one day.
Every word that comes out of your mouth has an effect on the person that you’re talking to. Every action means something. Every apology gives hope to the person that you’ll not commit the same mistake again. Every I love you affirms that somebody loves them. Don’t take promises for granted. Everything affects every thing.
For the people I loved but was never meant to stay with, I’m sorry. If only I could turn back time and take them all back.