8 Things You Should Know Before You Break Up With Me

Taylor Swift could dedicate an entire album to my love life.

I’ve dated some really great guys and some serious douchebags. I’ve been in relationships that lasted anywhere from four months to four years.

Every relationship is different, but there’s one rule that I apply to everything in life:

Don’t half ass it.

When I’m single, I’m really single. And when I’m dating someone you better believe I’m giving that person my all.

When you’re an all or nothing person you either win big or you lose big, but I’d rather have exactly what I want or nothing at all than be half-satisfied with anything in life.

It’s a dangerous game to play when it comes to love, though. Every ounce of effort, hope and passion that you pour into a relationship can spill at a moment’s notice. Once you’ve tipped that cup there’s no getting back what you had inside.

I hope you realize that before you walk away from me. I hope you know that I won’t dwell on the mess of feelings that was once the comfort of your companionship, but I won’t walk away from them like they never happened at all.

You should know that I’ll acknowledge what we had and what we lost. Here are eight more things you should know before you break up with me:

1. I won’t try to stop you.

I won’t ask you to reconsider. I’ll probably make it easier for you by agreeing that we should end things. I have too much respect for myself to give anything to someone who can’t give me their everything.

2. You won’t hear from me.

No calls. No drunk texts. I’m not that girl.

3. I will rebound harder than a 7′ power forward.

Should you decide to send me a stupid drunk text, I probably won’t see it because I’m on a date with someone new. Rebounding is an integral part of the healing process.

4. I’ll probably defend you.

When I tell my friends what happened they’ll start talking mad shit about you. Instead of dishing about what an asshole you are, I’ll try to convince them that you’re actually a good guy. Because regardless of how badly you hurt me, I still care about you.

5. We won’t be friends.

Ever. Or at least for a very, very long time.

6. You’ll ruin certain things for me.

If eating cannoli was our favorite date activity, it will be a while before I can eat cannoli again. Cannoli makes me think about you and thinking about you is the worst. Cannoli is the worst.

7. I’ll question our entire relationship.

Were you ever all in? Or was this just fun? Fun relationships are fine, but don’t tell me you want serious when you really just want fun and cannoli.

8. There are no second chances.

Know before you break up with me that once we’re done, we’re done for good. I’ll spend as much time as I need getting over you, and not a second more. Life is too short and the world is too sweet to waste my time, energy and happiness on anything or anyone that doesn’t deserve it.